Why did the brother cross the road? Because The Sister Farted.
A virgin is what I called my daughter before I took that away from her
What do you call a boomerang that never comes back?
Daddy
You marry a single mother with an adult daughter. Now, your father marries the daughter. So, your father is your son now, because he is married to your daughter-in-law. But as your father’s son and your father’s father, you’re your own grandpa!
My teacher said he is gonna call my dad, i cant wait to meet him???
Dad: I’m giving all your toys to the orphanage Kid: Why are you doing that?
Dad: So you won’t get bored there
What did one cell say to his sister when she stepped on his toe? Mitosis!
Three nuns are on their way up to heaven after having been involved in a terrible minibus crash on the Italian Alps that killed them and the driver (he went the other direction!) As they’re approaching the Pearly Gates to be interview by St. Peter, they are requested by an attendant to form a single line and wait. Sister Agnes is first, Sister Bernadette behind her and Sister Carmel on the end. Finally, St. Peter approaches the nuns to determine their worthiness for entry to Heaven. He says to the first nun: “Sister Agnes, have you ever seen the penis of a man”? Sister Agnes bursts into tears and says: Yes, St. Peter, I have, but please don’t let this prevent me from entering the Kingdom of Heaven". St. Peter says: “Never fear, my child. Say a thousand Hail Marys and then go over to that font of Holy Water and wash your eyes out, then you shall enter the Kingdom of Heaven”. Sister Carmel sees what’s going on and taps Sister Bernadette on the shoulder, somewhat urgently. “Pssst — hey Bernie”! , she says. Sister Bernadette asks: “What is it?” A little annoyed. Sister Carmel says: “Do you mind if we swap places”? Sister Bernadette replies: “What for”? Sister Carmel says: “Well, I wouldn’t mind gargling before you stick your ass in there”!
What’s better then sex with your 12 year old sister? Rolling her over and pretending it’s your 10 year old brother
Rolling her over and pretending it’s your 10 year old brother
Once my sister was a sister now shes a blister
Teacher: Ok class I’m going to ask a question about your family. Alex: Miss my Dad died In 9/11 Teacher: OH NO IM SO SORRY! Alex: Don’t worry miss It was only Dad and besides he did what he wanted before he died. Teacher: What was that? Alex: Flew the plane.
Sometimes, I think back on all the mistakes I’ve ever made.
Then I realize “My daughter isn’t THAT bad…”
Daughter: “Hey dad, how do you feel about abortion?” Father: "Ask your sister” Daughter: “I don’t have a…”
My sister argued with me that you can’t make a car out of spaghetti, you should have seen her face when I drove pasta
When you’re f@cking your boss’s daughter, then you realize that you are self-employed.
What do the twin towers and my ex-girlfriend have in common? They both went down on my dad.
RUS | ENG
