In English class the teacher says (Teacher): Kids you need to say the alphabet ok Sally you first. (Sally): Okay a b c d e f g h i j k l m n o p q r s t u v w x y z. (Teacher): good job Sally. Then the teacher called on 4 other students who got it right. Then the teacher called on little Johnny. (Teacher): Little Johnny say the alphabet. (Little Johnny): bcefghijklmnopsvwxyz. (Teacher): no Johnny that’s not right. (Johnny): oh I forgot u r a q t. (Teacher). No still not right and thank you. (Johnny): oh I’ll give you the d later. (Class): (laughing). (Teacher): GO TO THE OFFICE NOW.
One day I was going home, and 7 married men came to me and said you should be proud of your sister. I ask why they told me it was the best that they ever had and we got your sister a trophy. So I went home my sister said look at my trophy I earned. The trophy said The Best Blow Jobs. As a bro I couldn’t be more prouder.
The Wine Taster At An Old Vineyard Died. A Homeless Guy, Looking Ragged And Dirty, Came To Apply. He Persuaded The Manager To Give Him A Try. The guy was given a glass of wine. He swirled, smelled, sipped and spit. “It’s a red wine, Merlot, three years old, grown on the South Slope and matured in oak barrels." He said. “Impressive,” said the manager.
The man is given another. "Still a red wine, Cabernet, eight years old, from the Northeast slope, stored in a steel vats.”
The manager was amazed. He winked at his secretary. The secretary understood and brought out a glass of urine. The drunkard tasted it and said. “It’s a blond, 27 years old, three months pregnant, and if I don’t get this job, I’ll tell who the father is!”
How did the security guard at the orchid get better at his job? He got an Apple Watch.
I was working for Space X. I was instructed to control a satellite’s orbit rotation when suddenly the screen went black. I investigated and found out one of Penaldos penalty had hit and destroyed the satellite. Shame on you Penaldo for ruining my dream job!
What do you call sex in the world trade center?
An inside job.
The teacher once said to some students?i was an orphan before your principle hired me.? the students said?oof that is sad? the teacher tried to ignore them and take attendance she said?is anyone missing? the students said? your parents.? the teacher got offended and later that day quit her job
Guy asked me what I do for a living. Now I’m not old enough to get a job so I said nothing. He asked me again so I said, “Your wife” The guy goes to slap me but his wife is standing right there. She instead slapped me and said, “You swore not to tell!”
As a son I like sports and I watch sports with my mom. So one day we were looking at football. My mom ask me who makes the most money I said the quarter back. My mom told me I going to get a quarter back has my new boyfriend and it be your new step father. a week lady my mom went out I came home I see my mom making out with a high school kid. I said whats going on my mom said look my new boyfriend and new step father is the high school quarter back. My mom said see mission accomplish. I said yeah job well done.
A scarecrow said this job isn’t for everyone. But HAY! its in my jeans
My sister told me she like Medusa. I said h. My sister said my blow jobs are so good she looks up at the guy facial expression and when the look down they do nothing, but stay still.
This isnt an orphan joke but. I got a job at a library, but it only lasted 15 minutes. Turns out, books about women’s rights shouldn’t go in the Sci-Fi / Fantasy section.
One day, little Sally hears the phone ringing. she picks it up "Hello, this is daddy, Sally. Is your mom nearby." Sally says, “No, shes upstairs with Uncle john” “Uncle john? i don’t know an Uncle John.” “no, no, no, you must be mistaken, daddy” “no i’m sure there’s no one named Uncle John in our family.” “Okay, but why did you call?” Says Sally. “Ummm no reason, just tell mommy that daddy’s pulling into the driveway right now.” “Okay daddy!”
Long pause
"Okay daddy! I did it!’ “Great job Sally! What did she says?”
“Mommy said OH FU… and then she ran around with no clothes on and tripped on the carpet and hit her head on the bookshelf. shes now resting it looks like… then Uncle John screams and jumps out the window into the swimming pool, but of course we took all the water out this winter…”
Then dad replies “Swimming pool? we dont have a…is this 468-1843?”
What did the wind say to the palm tree? Hold onto your nuts this is no ordinary blow job.
My ex died today. I also lost my job as a butcher
Why did the girl quit her job at the donut factory? – She was fed up with the hole business.
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