Why did the gym close down? – It just didn’t work out.
Light travels faster than sound. That’s why some people appear bright until you hear them speak
I’ve never worn my gay sweater, it hasn’t come out of the closet yet
Someone stole my toilet and the police have nothing to go on.
My boss yelled at me the other day, “You’ve got to be the worst train driver in history. How many trains did you derail last year? ” I said, “Can’t say for sure, it’s so hard to keep track!”
Yesterday, a clown held the door open for me. It was such a nice jester! :D
I went for a job interview today and the manager said, “We’re looking for someone who is responsible.” “Well, I’m your man.” I replied, “In my last job, whenever anything went wrong, they said I was responsible.”
I once ate a watch. It was time consuming.
“Doctor, there’s a patient on line 1 that says he’s invisible” “Well, tell him I can’t see him right now.”
Do you want to hear a money joke? Never mind it makes no cents
The past, the present, and the future walk into a bar… It was tense.
New Teslas don’t come with a new car smell they come with an Elon Musk
Claustrophobic people are more productive thinking out of the box.
Some people think prison is one word…but to robbers it’s a whole sentence
If i’m the night guard at the Samsung store, does that make me a… guardian of the galaxy?
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