Transport jokes

So I was going out the door and I see me dwarf neighbour at the bus stop, I ask if he needs a lift. He replies with fu… off. So I zip up my backpack and keep going to work

Gays are always welcome on my redneck Party Bus. NOT!

What is yellow and can’t swim? A school bus full of kids.

The first trains were often derailed. They had a bad track record.

The 1645 service has been cancelled and has been replaced by a replacement bus service. EasyJet would like to apologise to all of those who are travelling to Greece.

How does a train eat?

Chew chew!

Did you here about the man who ran in front of the bus? He got tired.

What’s yellow and can’t swim? A bus full of children

An American, a Cuban, a Russian, and a lawyer are sitting on a subway train, in the same seat. The Cuban pulls out a Cuban cigar for each person, and hands it out. The Cuban takes one puff of his cigar, and he throws it out the window. Everybody but the Cuban goes mad.?You just wasted an expensive Cuban cigar! How could you?? The Cuban simply says,?See, in Cuba, cigars are very cheap.? The other passengers are reassured and respond with,?Oh, OK.?

The Russian takes out a small bottle of Russian vodka and pours a shot for all the passengers. The Russian downs his shot, and throws the vodka bottle out the window. The rest of the passengers are alarmed, once again.?You just destroyed an expensive bottle of Russian vodka! How could you?? The Russian simply states,?See, in Russia, vodka is very cheap.? Yet again, the other passengers are reassured and respond with,?Ah, yes! Of course.?

The American scratches his head and goes,?I think I see the pattern here. ? So he takes the lawyer, and he throws him out the window!?

What does the difference between your new teacher and a train? Your teacher says spit out your gum but a train says Choo Choo!

Why are Egyptian gods orphans Because Egypt needs to sell Anubis (a-new-bus) every year to make a prophet

Why was the duck fired from the train station?

He was a bad conducktor!

Ten Catholic priests all die in a bus accident. When they arrive at the pearly gates, St. Peter acknowledges them. He sees that they’re all priests and immediately says "If any of you are pedophiles, there’s no point waiting here. You might as well eff off straight to hell right now!” Nine of the priests turn around and begin to walk away. St. Peter calls after them, "AND TAKE THE DEAF BASTARD WITH YOU TOO!”

Why couldn’t Sally write with the pen? (Friend: Idk, why?) Because she had no arms. Why couldn’t Sally play Tennis? (Friend: Because she had no arms?) Yes, she had no arms. Why did Sally fall off the swing? (Friend: Because she had no arms?) No, Joe pushed her. Why couldn’t Sally pick up the box? (Friend: Some weird guess) Because she had no arms. Why did sally drop her ice cream? (Friend: Because she had no arms? ) Because she got hit by a bus. Knock Knock. (Friend: Who’s there?) Not Sally.

What is the difference between an ISIS training camp and a school? Don’t ask me, i just fly the drone.