Waiting jokes

Q: What is the difference between a drunk and a stoner at a stop sign? A: The drunk guy runs it and the stoner waits for it to turn green!

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Sy’kyira: I can’t wait for the therapist to come.

Daina: Same, 30 minutes have passed … I also wonder what that loud sound is.

Sy’kyira: SAME!!! What does it sound like a woman suffering???

Daina: I know, right?

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I can’t believe it’s been over a year since Kobe decided he’s too good to wait in traffic.

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(A man is walking on a bridge and sees a lady over the railing)

Man: Ah… suicidal eh? Are you gonna jump? Lady: Yep. I hate this world. Man: Well, if your gonna die, can we have sex before you jump? Lady: Hell no! You creep! Man: Ok, fine. I guess I’ll just wait until your corpse washes onto the shore…

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Somebody once told me the world is gonna roll me I ain’t the sharpest tool in the shed She was looking kind of dumb with her finger and her thumb In the shape of an “L” on her forehead

Well, the years start coming and they don’t stop coming Fed to the rules and I hit the ground running Didn’t make sense not to live for fun Your brain gets smart but your

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One dark stormy night when i was 8 years old I woke up in the middle of the night busting to pee, half asleep i walked down the stairs and toward the bathroom and heard a strange whirring sound that sounded like a ghost. When I opened the door i felt a strange cool breeze and the light came on automatically and the ghostly sound stopped, terrified I did what I had to and went back to bed. The next 3 nights the same thing happened and finally i decided i had to tell my mom no matter how hard to believe it sounded. The next night I woke up I went into my parents room and woke my mom up and said, “you have to come with me and see this it’s really important,” Half asleep she murmured, "oh what is it can’t it wait until the morning?’ I pleaded, “no you have to come see, our bathroom is haunted by a ghost when I go in the middle of the night I can hear a ghost sound then when i open the door I feel the cold as it swoops through me and the light comes on automatically. ” She yawned and said, “oh so that’s who’s been peeing in the refrigerator.”

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Everyone: so wait let me get this straight feminist want to cancel fathers day because it is offensive to single mothers

Feminist: correct

Everyone: THEN WTF IS THE POINT OF MOTHERS DAY

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Roses are red violets are blue YOU HAVE AN ARRANGED MARRIAGE WAITING FOR YOU…

“You are under arrest for illegally downloading the entire Wikipedia. ”

“Wait! I can explain everything.”

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What did the bomber say the the jet?

Sorry bro, I gotta bomb. WAIT NO-

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How do you get an orphan to go to sleep?

Tell them there parent are waiting when the wake up.

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I bought my son a fridge for Christmas. – I can’t wait to see his face light up when he opens it.

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So there’s a little girl playing hopscotch at the front of her house while her mother hangs up the washing and her father mows the lawn. She says “Step on a crack and you break your mother’s back,”. The father laughs, until his daughter steps on a crack resulting in her mother’s back breaking. The little girl’s father looks in terror, she then says “step on a line and you break your father’s spine,”. The father closes his eyes waiting for his spine to break, but nothing happens. When he opens his eyes again he sees that he is ok, and nothing has happened to him. Suddenly he hears someone yell out “OW MY SPINE, ”. The father runs around the corner to see the mailman laying on the floor.

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Ten Catholic priests all die in a bus accident. When they arrive at the pearly gates, St. Peter acknowledges them. He sees that they’re all priests and immediately says "If any of you are pedophiles, there’s no point waiting here. You might as well eff off straight to hell right now!” Nine of the priests turn around and begin to walk away. St. Peter calls after them, "AND TAKE THE DEAF BASTARD WITH YOU TOO!”

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Tomorrow is Christmas and I’m giving myself a present that I can’t wait to open. It’s my wrist. (yes this was inspired by a Fallout boy song)

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Did you know the f in orphan stands for family…oh wait HAHA

We should stop making jokes about orphans before they tell there parents…oh continue

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