Nut jokes

Why did the hooker quit her job?

She had a nut allergy

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What did one nut say to the other? Ignore the guy in the middle. He’s a d!ck.

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Are you a walnut because I’m about to nut all over your walls!

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The popular girl told me "I bet your birth certificate is an apology letter from the condom factory!" Two weeks later, She shows up pregnant.

… I guess her rubber broke too

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What do you call a vegan slut…?

A garden Ho…!

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Anybody know a girl named Candice? she just added me on snap

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I have a pun, but I will nut-tella you!

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There is a kid in my class who is allergic to peanuts. He says hes gay- he can’t be tho… he’s allergic to nuts!

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What time is it when when a nurse??? s

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Did you guys see on the news where they arrested that pervert at the Michaels Crafts store?? He was running around completely naked and had sprinkled glitter all over his testicles. I guess it was pretty nuts.

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What did the nut chasing the other nut say? Imma cashew

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I bought a guh on the weekend. (whats a guh?) a GUHZZLE DEEZ NUTS!??????

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A sailor drops anchor in a port and heads into the nearest pub. Everyone in the pub is whispering and pointing at him because of his odd shaped body; he has a very muscular body, but a very tiny head on his shoulders. As he orders his drink, he tells the bartender, “I’ll explain. I get this in every port and town I visit. I caught a mermaid and she granted me

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Can i put deez nuts in yo cluts?

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What do u call a nut in jail: a busted nut

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