I said to my pregnant wife push darling, come on push harder dear, no she wasn’t giving birth the bloody car would not start.
Woman jokes
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Husband: I bet you can’t say something that will make me both happy and sad at the same time Wife: You have the biggest penis out of all your friends
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My wife told me pass her lip stck but i gave her a glue stick now she is not talking to me
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A drunk man walked out of a bar and kept falling flat on his face. He wondered why this was until his wife spoke to him: Wife: why is your face all bloody? Husband: I was so drunk that I couldn’t stand up so I kept falling on my face! Wife: idiot. You left your wheelchair at the bar!
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Why does Dr. Pepper come in a bottle?
Because his wife died.

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