The other day my friend messaged by saying “bro I have two pieces of bad news for you.” I told him to combine them. He replied with “your girlfriend is cheating on both of us.”
Woman jokes
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What’s the difference between a pregnant woman and a light bulb?
You can unscrew a light bulg
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When David lost his ID, I called him Dave. Where did Dave go during the bombing? Everywhere. Guess who came crawling back?
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My girlfriend accused me of cheating. I told her she was starting to sound like my wife.
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Fishing and girlfriends are exactly alike, there may be plenty of fish in the sea, but until i find one, i’m stuck here holding my rod

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