Нашли белоруские партизаны ядерное оружие, и начали решать в кого его запустить.

Первый говорит: "Давайте в Польшу запустим!"

Ему отвечают: "Да ты что! Польша наш сосед. Давайте в Америку!"

— Точно! Она далеко, давайте в Америку!

Ну так вот запустили 1-ую и спрятались в бункер. день прошел, два прошло, три прошло, а ответного нет.

Ну разнесли они всю Америку, и сново в бункер ответного ждать. неделю ждут, две, три...

В конце концов послали на разведку.

На 3-ий месяц возвращается и говорит: "Там, в бункере, сидит Буш в окружении своих министов и орет "Where is this fuken Belorus""

What has two legs, two arms, one dead and covered in red? My ex wife.

So my ex who wouldn’t leave me alone because she thought I was the best person in the world even though will has a better haircut then me but anyway when we broke up she said I was the worst person she ever met and I told her she looks like a cross between a beaver and a mole rat. Then I told her she has the wendys logo haircut and then some other things I’m not gonna say. 2 years of bullshit I was done Anyways she cried lol

Some guy was mad at his ex wife! so he threw a bottle of alcohol into her house when he was drunk. And realized when he was being questioned for arson, his cigarette was in the rim of the bottle.

Two kids walked into a bar, they were covered with blood. the bartender asked what happened. The youngest said “Well, we we’re trying to paint our basement but we threw the babies too hard”.