Best Jokes

Doctor: you don’t have long to live. 10… Patient: ten what? ten years, ten months? Doctor: 9… 8… 7…

2 boys came home for dinner late and their mother asked, “where have you boys been?” 1 of them replied with, “we were all over the neighborhood, we’re mail men now.” Their snobby teen sister said, “well your not real mail men, real mail men use real letters.” Then 1 of the boys said, “actually we used real letters, we found a whole box of them under your bed.”

I want to die in my sleep, like grandpa did, not screaming and crying like the people on the bus he drove.

As a son I like sports and I watch sports with my mom. So one day we were looking at football. My mom ask me who makes the most money I said the quarter back. My mom told me I going to get a quarter back has my new boyfriend and it be your new step father. a week lady my mom went out I came home I see my mom making out with a high school kid. I said whats going on my mom said look my new boyfriend and new step father is the high school quarter back. My mom said see mission accomplish. I said yeah job well done.

What’s the difference between a shooter and a bullied autistic kid

Depends who’s shooting

What is the difference between an orphan and a apple?

Well at least one gets picked

What’s the difference between a dirty bus stop and a lobster with boobs? – One is a crusty bus station and the other is a busty crustacean.

What’s the difference between hitler and logan paul? At least hitler had respect for the japanese!

What did the fork say to the cake when he said i hope u get eaten

Fork off

This boy said get get yo hairline straight I said girls don’t have a hairline how about you go to the barber shop htm title=' times worst then he did the first time.'>and let your barber do your hair 10 times worst then he did the first time.

What’s the easiest way to get straight As? Use a ruler.

I got my daughter a fridge for her birthday. I can’t wait to see her face light up when she opens it.

A woman walks into a doctor’s office. She schedules an appointment and sits down it the waiting room. Whem it’s her turn to talk to the doctor, she describes all of her symptoms, and they’re unlike anything he’s heard before. The doctor runs a few tests and steps out of the room. He comes back later, and says, ‘Well I have good news and bad news.’ The woman says, ‘I’ll hear the good news first please. ’ The doctor replies ‘The good news is we’re naming a disease after you!’

I Googled “How to start a Wildfire”. I got 48,500 matches.

I’ve never worn my gay sweater, it hasn’t come out of the closet yet

How do trees get online? – They just log in.

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The doctor told me I had aids I said it’s your fault sister.