Best Jokes

Why do priests appreciate educated children? They don’t spit.

Confucius say, man who runs behind car will get exhausted, but man who runs in front of car will get tired.

Whats green and sticky? … a stick.

I told a diabetic boy to have sweet dreams, and he died the next morning

Man: I know how to please a woman. Woman: Then please leave me alone, you ugly two-faced hypocrite.

Man: I want to give myself to you. Woman: Sorry, I don’t like ugly peasants.

Man: Your hair colour is fabulous. Woman: I hate your hair colour, though.

Man: You look like a dream. Woman: Then open your ugly eyes and stop sleeping, hypocrite!

Man: I can tell that you want me. Woman: Yes, I want you dead.

R.I.P

Man: Hey, baby, what’s your sign? Woman: F*** you, pedophile!

Man: Your body is like a temple. Woman: Sorry, there are no services for pedophiles.

Man: Is this seat empty? Woman: Yes, and this one will be too if you sit down, you little peasant.

Man: What’s it like being the most beautiful girl in the bar? Every other woman I see looks ugly. Bleuch! Woman: How dare you!

Man: Haven’t I seen you someplace before? Woman: Yeah, that’s why I don’t go there anymore. I saw you playing with boxes in the store room and saying “I AM KING OF THE WORLD!”

Yo mama’s so poor I knocked on her front door of her house and realised I was already outside her backyard!

Yo mama so poor she asked a homeless guy for money.

Why can’t a steam locomotive sit down?

Because it has a tender behind.

My boss yelled at me the other day, “You’ve got to be the worst train driver in history. How many trains did you derail last year? ”

I said, “Can’t say for sure, it’s so hard to keep track!”

I entered ten puns into a contest to see which one would win.

No pun in ten did

I tried to high five a tree, but it just left me hanging.

Me: have you ever went sky diving friend:No me:Well don’t it sucks friend:Why me:They gave me a parachute and I lived

What to gift a child molester, who already has everything? A bigger county with more believers

I got a job at a library once, i got fired like an hour in because the library manager said that the cookbooks didn’t go into the women’s sports section.

On the inside of a fire hydrant you’ll find H2O. What’s on the outside? K9P

So i saw two homeless people on the road fight i said stop fighting and go home i gess it was a little insensitive

How did Stephen hawking die. He lost a water gun fight

The teacher once said to some students?i was an orphan before your principle hired me.? the students said?oof that is sad? the teacher tried to ignore them and take attendance she said?is anyone missing? the students said? your parents.? the teacher got offended and later that day quit her job

What is the perfect job for a paedophile

A physical doctor for kids

Why do orphans become criminals? To know what it’s like to be Wanted.

Why are orphans bad at poker? They don’t know what a full house is.

I saw a child crying yesterday so I asked him where his parents were. Bad move. I got fired from my job at the orphanage.

What do you call an orphan’s family reunion? Me time.

Did you know? The letter ‘f’ in orphan stands for family.

What is an orphan’s least favorite song? We are Family.

What’s an orphan’s least favorite tv show? Family Guy.

What’s an orphan’s least favorite movie? Meet the Parents.

What’s an orphan’s least favorite type of music? House.

Next: Inappropriate Jokes

What’s an orphan’s least favorite store? Home Depot.

What’s an orphan’s favorite band? Foster the People.

What do you call a virgin from Alabama? An orphan.

Where do orphan chickens end up? Foster Farms

What beer do orphans drink? Foster’s.

Why do orphans have water with their cereal? Because their dad never came back with the milk.

What do you call a fish with no parents? An orfin

Why do orphans like playing tennis? Because it’s the only love they get.

Me: Are you an orphan? Orphan: Yes, what gave me away? Me: Your parents.