Best Jokes
| Dark Humor |
| Family jokes |
John: hi boss it is raining heavily today so I would not be coming
Boss: u stated in ur job application that swimming was it hobby so see u at at 11am
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Man: I know how to please a woman. Woman: Then please leave me alone, you ugly two-faced hypocrite.
Man: I want to give myself to you. Woman: Sorry, I don’t like ugly peasants.
Man: Your hair colour is fabulous. Woman: I hate your hair colour, though.
Man: You look like a dream. Woman: Then open your ugly eyes and stop sleeping, hypocrite!
Man: I can tell that you want me. Woman: Yes, I want you dead.
R.I.P
Man: Hey, baby, what’s your sign? Woman: F*** you, pedophile!
Man: Your body is like a temple. Woman: Sorry, there are no services for pedophiles.
Man: Is this seat empty? Woman: Yes, and this one will be too if you sit down, you little peasant.
Man: What’s it like being the most beautiful girl in the bar? Every other woman I see looks ugly. Bleuch! Woman: How dare you!
Man: Haven’t I seen you someplace before? Woman: Yeah, that’s why I don’t go there anymore. I saw you playing with boxes in the store room and saying “I AM KING OF THE WORLD!”
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Why do people think about handsome boys at night? Because their dreamy!
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One day a father and a daughter were at a park. The daughter accidentally kills a butterfly. The father says, “Just because you killed the butterfly, you don’t get butter for a week.” They were there the next day, and the daughter kills a cockroach. The father laughs and says, “Nice try.”
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The last words my Dad spoke before he passed was, “Honey put down the knife we were only talking about getting a divorce.”
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What Would you find on a haunted beach?
A Sand-witch!
“Hey guys I’m a new Jokester, remeber my name as I’ll be making a lot more! !! P.s. They will be much better than this one!”
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Last night i had a dream about fishing poles, turns out it wasn’t REEL
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How do Chinese people get their names? Their parent’s throw woks down the stairs and name their children after the sound it makes,
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What is black and sits at the top of the stairs? – Steven Hawking after a house fire.
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How does a crazy person get to the woods?
He takes the psychopath.
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Last night I had a dream that I was swimming in an ocean of orange soda. I guess it was just a Fanta sea!
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Friend: Want to play fall guys?
Friend 2: Yup
Friend: Ok so let me ju- wait where are you going?
Friend 2: I’m gonna jump off
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What is different about priests and acne.
Acne waits until your 13 to cum on your face
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There was a car accident and the cops pull up to the crime seen to start asking people questions. The police started talking to a blonde lady and said what happened here she responded by saying a car crash. They then asked but how did it happen, she responded the cars crashed into each other. They finally said but why did it happen. The lady said oh i know where your going with this. It happened because when cars push on the gas peddle the car goes forward and they both pushed it so they both went forward and hit each other. One cop said never mind ma’m and they stared walking away. The blonde lady then said oh and officers my computer froze do you think i should put in the microwave or in the oven?
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Whats the difference between a white kid and a computer?
The child has no trouble shooting
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An orphan, an emo, and an apple are on a tree. The apples get picked unlike the orphan, while the emo kid is already dead from hanging.
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Knock Knock! Who’s their? It’s Dave! Dave Who? *Dave proceeds to break down crying at the realization that his grandmother’s Alzheimers has progressed to the point where she no longer remembers him.
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