Life jokes

I went to see my grandfather in the hospital because I Wanted to get to know him better before he passed, maybe take a selfie with him. But when I got there my phone died so I unplugged a vacuum to plug in my phone, and it turns out he only knows Spanish so When he kept saying “Me desconectaste el soporte de mi vida.” I thought he wanted water, but when I got back with the water he was asleep and now my phone was charged so I translated what he said. And it was “You unplugged my life support”, that’s when I called the doctor…

Good news is, I got one sick selfie!

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%%Rules of Dark humor:

All subject matter can be used, nothing is off limits.

No saying “Me” or “My Life” as a joke. Nobody finds those funny. We want actual good and meaningful jokes.

Don’t Repeat Previously Posted Jokes. If you are saying the same joke that the person right before you posted you are just begging for attention and nobody by any means likes that. I will add more in the future and be frequent on this site.

Sincerely, Zane

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What’s My Favorite Thing About My Grandpa?

His life insurance…

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I was talking to a beaver about my life. I dont think he really gave a dam about it at all.

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My family loves to have dance parties. My dad will just play music from his iPod, and I’ll go to the light switch and make a nice strobe light effect. Everyone loves it, especially my younger cousin. He gets down on the floor and starts breakdancing! It makes him so happy, and he needs that extra joy in his life, especially since the doctor recently diagnosed him with epilepsy.

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What do you call a single bisexual? All bi myself.

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I am trying to re comment something that used to be on here, but is no longer on here. Here are some rules to make a good joke: 1: don’t say “my life” 2: proof read your joke, and make sure people can read it/have good grammar in it 3: And don’t re post things (although this last one is hippocritical because this was me trying to repost something but it is still a good rule to go by)

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You know what relationships and life? They both come to an end

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1 your so dumb you thing Cheerios are donut seeds!

Your so fat you could sell shade!

Your just like coconut water, nobody likes you! 4 you been shopping lately because there selling lives around the corner, you should go get one! If being ugly was a crime, you would get a life sentence!! Are these good

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My Grandpa said, “Your generation relies too much on technology!” I replied, “No, your generation relies too much on technology!” Then I unplugged his life support.

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If being ugly was a crime u would get a life sentence

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My teacher gave us an assignment and one of the questions was "What do you want to be when you grow up?" I answered “Happy”. The teacher said I didn’t understand the test, I said to her that she didn’t understand life

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I asked my mum why she’s depressed, she said her life has been a wreck? I asked how long has it been, she then asked when I was born

Whats sad and has no life. the person reding this

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1.) What’s Yellow And Can’t Swim?

A Bus Full Of Children 2.) Did you hear bout the pilsbury dough boy?

He died of a yeast infection 3.) I will never forget my grandads last words…

“you’re still holding the ladder right?” 4.) I have a fish that can breakdance…

Only for 20 seconds though, and only once 5.) give a man a match and he will be warm for a few hours…

Lite a man on fire and he will be warm for the rest of his life

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Chuck Norris has been to Mars…that’s why there is no signs of life there.

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