Q: Why did the chef get fired? A: He took cooking advice from Hitler!
A kid is arrested for a school shooting threat he is then apprehended and asked why he wanted to do this. He responds with “what do you mean I already did it” then the police ran back to the school to aprehend the other people he was planing it with the cops busted in through the doors which caused a smoke trap to go off which then the cops saw three people walk in and the police begin to fire. But as the smoke began to clear the cops saw that the three people were 16 kids duck taped to rolling poles 4 per pole. Back to the station holding the kid being apprehended. the kid puts his feet up on a chair and said “Aww it pays to be lazy!”
Are you the Lusitania cos i wanna fire a torpedo into you
My friend committed suicide yesterday…at least he went out with a bang
I bought a gun from Walmart today. I guess they knew what I was going to do with it, because when I pulled the gun on the cashier, I realized the firing mechanism was in reverse.
Q: How do you make a 9/11 cocktail?
A: Light two Manhattans on fire and then knock them over.
Did you hear about the fire in the shoe factory? Many soles were lost.
Roses are red, Violets are red, Sunflowers are red,
HOLY SHIT MY GARDEN’S ON FIRE
Your breath is so hot it mad the chicgo fire.
My little cousin’s birthday was in a few days and his mom said he wanted Hot Wheels. So I sent him a video of me pushing a paralyzed kid into fire and screaming “HOT WHEELS!”
My doctor told me that I had to burn calories, so I took a fat kid and lit them on fire
Father: I don’t trust you, You poured your seed in my daughter’s belly,. Son: But Paah you can’t fire me. Father: You’re lucky you’re my brother too or I’d kill you.
When Chuck Norris wants to burn calories, he throws fat children into the fire.
A is for Amy who fell down the stairs. B is for Basil assaulted by bears. C is for Clara who wasted away. D is for Desmond thrown out of a sleigh. E is for Ernest who choked on a peach. F is for Fanny sucked dry by a leech. G is for George smothered under a rug. H is for Hector done in by a thug. I is for Ida who drowned in a lake. J is for James who took lye by mistake. K is for Kate who was struck with an axe. L is for Leo who swallowed some tacks. M is for Maud who was swept out to sea. N is for Neville who died of ennui. O is for Olive run through with an awl. P is for Prue trampled flat in a brawl. Q is for Quentin who sank in a mire. R is for Rhoda consumed by a fire. S is for Susan who perished of fits. T is for Titus who flew into bits. U is for Una who slipped down a drain. V is for Victor squashed under a train. W is for Winnie embedded in ice. X is for Xerxes devoured by mice. Y is for Yorick whose head was knocked in. Z is for Zillah who drank too much gin
I use to work at a calendar factory but i got fired because i missed a few days
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