Priest jokes

The worst part about church is that you’re constantly switching between sitting, standing and kneeling; I mean, why can’t the priest just pick a position and f**k me already!

A priest asks the convicted murderer at the electric chair, “Any last requests? ” “Yes,” replied the murderer, “Will you please hold my hand?”

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What do a priest and a Christmas tree have in common — They both like fairies sitting on them.

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What does a priest and a wristwatch have in common?

— they both start at 12.

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What’s the difference between a Catholic priest and a zit? A zit will wait until you’re twelve before it comes on your face.

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What do you call an orphan who grows up and becomes a priest?

Father Les.

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What do Catholic priests and school shooters have in common?

They both like to dump their loads into little kids.

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Whats the difference between a Silver Medal and a Priest?

They both came in a little behind.

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A priest walks into a wine store

"Do you have any 10-year-olds?" Seller: "What the f- Oh you meant 10-year-old wine." Priest: “I said what I said.”

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A little girl beinng Girl: “Forgive me Father for I have sinned”

Priest: “What did you do Child?”

Girl: “I called a man a son of a bitch.”

Priest: “Why did you call him a son of a bitch?”

Girl: “Because he touched my hand.”

Priest: “Like this?” (as he touches her hand)

Girl: “Yes father.”

Priest: “That’s no reason to call a man a son of a bitch.”

Girl: “Then he touched my breast.”

Priest: “Like this?” (as he touched her breast)

Girl: “Yes father.”

Priest: “That’s no reason to call him a son of a bitch.”

Girl: “Then he took off my clothes, father.”

Priest: “Like this?” (as he takes off her clothes)

Girl: “Yes father.”

Priest: “That’s no reason to call him a son of a bitch.”

Girl: “Then he stuck his you know what into my you know where.”

Priest: “Like this?” (as he stuck his you know what into her you know where)

Girl: “YES FATHER, YES FATHER, YES FATHER!!!”

Priest: (after a few minutes): “That’s no reason to call him a son of a bitch. ”

Girl: “But father he had AIDS!”

Priest: “THAT SON OF A BITCH!!!”

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3 nuns are talking and the first nun says, “u would never believe what i discovered.” intrigued, the other to signal her to continue. " i found a phone in the priests room." said the first nun. “oh thats nothing said the second one, i found condoms in one of his drawers.” said the second one. " what did u do with them." said the first nun. pridefully the second nun responds with, " i poked holes in all of them." and the third nun says, “oh sh*t…”

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What did the priest say to the other in the orphanage?

“Let us prey together.”

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There are Three Sons Journey Korean and Little Joe. They were trapped on a floating island and a priest gave them each one wish the first son wished to go back to the ground. The Second Son wished to go back to the ground. The third son was lonely and wished for his two brothers to come back to the floating island.

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What do you get when you combine a priest and lawyer?

A Father in law

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Why did Rolf Harris meet underage kids?

To tie his kangaroo down sport

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Whats similar between a priest and McDonalds?

They both shove their meat inbetween 10 year old buns

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