Job jokes

The teacher once said to some students?i was an orphan before your principle hired me.? the students said?oof that is sad? the teacher tried to ignore them and take attendance she said?is anyone missing? the students said? your parents.? the teacher got offended and later that day quit her job

A fully grown bull Great White Shark is 15 feet long and can open its jaws open up to 1.2 meters long. It could eat a small child in seconds. Anyways, I lost my job at the aquarium…

Why did the zookeeper lose his job? for choking the chicken and spanking the monkey!

Employer: Can you preform under pressure? Me: No, but i do a pretty good Bohemian Rhapsody.

What do you call a giraffe giving a blow job to another giraffe? Getting neck!

Business Interview With Depression Inside my brain…

Me: So… You’re new?

Depression: (I don’t know who he is yet) mHMMMmmm!

Me: Well what are your skills?

Depression: Oh, taking control and leading… You know…

Me: What are you trying out for?

Depression: Oh, Vice Leader of Negative Thoughts.

Me: Well we do need someone over there- for somewhat reason nobody wanted that job…

Me: How did you know about us?

Depression: Oh- I knew because of Anxiety, you know, we’re friends!

Me: Interesting… (Still has no idea about Anxiety and it’s problemos)

Me: Well I think you’re signed up! I’ll give you the job!

Depression: tHaNKS:)

AND THATS HOW MY LIFE GOT DESTROYED:]

You know a parana can devour a small child in 30 seconds Any way I lost my job at the aquarium today

I got a job at a library once, i got fired like an hour in because the library manager said that the cookbooks didn’t go into the women’s sports section.

Last Night I had a dream I was swimming in lemonade… turns out I peed the bed.

What’s a spider-man’s dream job? Web developer

A scarecrow said this job isn’t for everyone. But HAY! its in my jeans

I went for a job interview today and the manager said, “We’re looking for someone who is responsible.”

“Well, I’m your man.” I replied, “In my last job, whenever anything went wrong, they said I was responsible.”

You dream with 4k

As a son I was starting to do pranks. I told my mom’s boyfriend that she cheated on him, and she don’t want to be with him no more, and I told him that my mom said that he had a small penis. He left my mom, and she was mad at me. I thought it was funny. Then I told my friend girlfriend that he cheated on her with another girl, and the girl told me that my friend had a small penis. He found out, and wanted to co front me in my house. I wasn’t home. My friend told my mom what happen then my mom said the same thing happen to me. I came home one day I saw my mom giving my friend a blow job I ask what’s going on. My friend told your mom is my new girlfriend & my mom said this is the penis of my dreams.

The teacher asked the class what sound does a cow make mooo said sally good job said the teacher what sound does a sheep make baa said jack good now what sound does a pig make little johnny raised his hand really high in the sky the teacher called him he said htm title=' ur hands on ur head u black moterf@cker'>the pig says get on the ground and put ur hands on ur head u black moterf@cker

I never wanted to believe that my Dad was stealing from his job as a road worker.

But when I got home, all the signs were there.

My ex died today. I also lost my job as a butcher