Why did the little boy drop his ice cream?

Because he was hit by a bus.

What a day yesterday was I got a promotion and my sisters killer was hit by a bus now I’m in a cast!

Whats the difference between me and a bus?

Im not on fire…

The other day a squirrel asked me for a job, I asked him what jobs did you have previously. Calmly he answered," I am a pilot, I can pick it up from here and pile it over there, I also can fly a sign!!!" " To bad, this is a nut cannery, and we’re 100% automated, we don’t need anyone at this time, sorry." " No worries, I’m totally nuts anyway, guess I’ll fly a sign across town, don’t have bus fare!!!"