I told my orphan girlfriend that I had to grab milk (goes to the store grabs milk) as I grab the milk I thought hey I bet I can repeat her life twice
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School Bully: How’s your girlfriend? Oh wait, you don’t have any! Me: How’s your parents? Oh wait, you don’t have any! *Continues to burn down orphanage

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My girlfriend left me because of my obsession with pasta. – I’m doing well, but I do get cannelloni.

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Why couldn’t the lizard get a girlfriend?

Because he had a reptile dysfunction!

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