My girlfriend told me the dishwasher was leaking so I brought home some tampons

Me and my girlfriend were planning on having sex but I said me and my little brother share a bunk bed and he’s on the bottom. She said tell him we’re making sandwiches so we came up with a plan. Tomato means harder and cheese means faster. So we were having sex and she was screaming tomato tomato tomato cheese cheese cheese, then my little brother said can y’all stop making sandwiches your getting mayonnaise all over my bed.

What does the cannibal do after he dumps his girlfriend?

He wipes his butt.

My girl is so cute when she sleeps I watch her all the time —————

.tomorrow I might say hi to her for the first time