Q: What did the drunk emo say to the bartender? A: Nothing! He was hung over.

My sister thinks shes so smart, shes said onions are the only food that makes you cry

So I threw a coconut at her

I Googled “How to start a Wildfire”. I got 48,500 matches.

Confucius say, man who runs behind car will get exhausted, but man who runs in front of car will get tired.

I went for a job interview today and the manager said, “We’re looking for someone who is responsible.”

“Well, I’m your man.” I replied, “In my last job, whenever anything went wrong, they said I was responsible.”