What’s Black and sits at the top of the stairs? Stephen Hawkins in a house fire.

What does a cigarette and a hamster have in common?

Both are completely harmless untill you put it in your mouth and light it on fire.

Q: Why did the chef get fired? A: He took cooking advice from Hitler!

A kid is arrested for a school shooting threat he is then apprehended and asked why he wanted to do this. He responds with “what do you mean I already did it” then the police ran back to the school to aprehend the other people he was planing it with the cops busted in through the doors which caused a smoke trap to go off which then the cops saw three people walk in and the police begin to fire. But as the smoke began to clear the cops saw that the three people were 16 kids duck taped to rolling poles 4 per pole. Back to the station holding the kid being apprehended. the kid puts his feet up on a chair and said “Aww it pays to be lazy!”