I asked a pretty, young homeless woman if I could take her home. She smiled at me and said yes. The look on her face soon changed, however, when I walked off with her cardboard box.

I have just started a sexual relationship with a blind woman. It’s very rewarding, but quite challenging. – Took me ages to get her husband’s voice right.

Woman: Doctor, where are we going? Doctor: To the morgue. Woman: I’m not dead yet, doctor. Doctor: We’re not at morgue yet, either

There was a man named, Matt, that went to the church to confess one of his most recent sins. He told the priest, I am here to tell you my sins. He was all for it and said go ahead.

Matt, “Father, Last night I almost cheated on my wife”

Priest, “how so?”

Matt, “We were together naked, but we didn’t do anything just rubbed each other, that’s all”

Priest, " RUBBING TOGETHER IS THE SAME THING AS PUTTING IT IN! for your sins you must never see that woman again and put $50 in the donation box"

Matt, “okay i promise not to see her again”

Then Matt walks out the door

Priest, “Hey I saw you! you didn’t put any money in the donation box!!”

Matt, “Yes I did, I took the money and rubbed it against the box because you said rubbing it is the same thing as putting it in”