When a 68 year old teacher says: I am going to tackle an intruder if i have to!

Me: Oh hell nah

If you don’t like orphan jokes, WHY THE HELL ARE YOU ON HERE??!!! WE DON’T ACCEPT YOU HERE!

If you saw an orphan, could you say where your parents at and if they cry, just say ‘hey here are your parents’ then grab nothing. perfect example.

[god creating sharks] god: ok give them 3 rows of teeth. Angel: seems excessive but ok. God: and make them mean as hell. Angel: wtf y. God: BECAUSSE I SAID SO. Angel:… god: and make one of the types have a hammer for a head angel: why do I still work for you? God: because I’m the only employer as of right now.

Ex-bf’s gf: your so ugly as hell me: oh did I mention that i was trying to be you