I use to work at a calendar factory but i got fired because i missed a few days

Hey God what are you making?

Just a wooden stick that lights on fire

Sounds like a match made in heaven

What’s the difference between a hamster and a cigarette? They’re both harmless until you stick them in your mouth and light them on fire

Little Natalie was playing with matches. Her mother caught her, took them, whupped her and told her never to play with matches again. A few minutes later, Little Natalie was playing with matches again. The curtains caught fire and the house burned down. Another few minutes later, when she and her mother were sitting at their neighbors, her mother told her: If you think I gave you a whupping, wait till your father gets home! Little Natalie just cackled with delight, because she knew her father had gotten home earlier and gone upstairs to take a nap.