I bought a gun from Walmart today. I guess they knew what I was going to do with it, because when I pulled the gun on the cashier, I realized the firing mechanism was in reverse.

My friend committed suicide yesterday…at least he went out with a bang

What’s Black and sits at the top of the stairs? Stephen Hawkins in a house fire.

What does a cigarette and a hamster have in common?

Both are completely harmless untill you put it in your mouth and light it on fire.