What do you call a single bisexual? All bi myself.

There’s a plane going down over the desert with only 3 parachutes on board. There are four people onboard, the smartest man in the world, the best doctor in the world, an old priest, and a young nerd. The doctor says, “People need me for my medical skills.” grabs the first parachute pack, and jumps. The smartest man in the world says, “People need me for my intelligence.” grabs a pack, and jumps. The old priest says, “I have lived a long and happy life. You take the last chute.” The nerd says, “Don’t worry. There are enough chutes for the both of us. The smartest man in the world just grabbed my backpack.”

Business Interview With Depression Inside my brain…

Me: So… You’re new?

Depression: (I don’t know who he is yet) mHMMMmmm!

Me: Well what are your skills?

Depression: Oh, taking control and leading… You know…

Me: What are you trying out for?

Depression: Oh, Vice Leader of Negative Thoughts.

Me: Well we do need someone over there- for somewhat reason nobody wanted that job…

Me: How did you know about us?

Depression: Oh- I knew because of Anxiety, you know, we’re friends!

Me: Interesting… (Still has no idea about Anxiety and it’s problemos)

Me: Well I think you’re signed up! I’ll give you the job!

Depression: tHaNKS:)

AND THATS HOW MY LIFE GOT DESTROYED:]

When Jim was playing on his phone, my grandfather told him, “You use way too much technology!”. Jim then said, “No, YOU use too much technology! ” and then Jim disconnected his grandfather’s life support.