The popular girl told me "I bet your birth certificate is an apology letter from the condom factory!" Two weeks later, She shows up pregnant.

… I guess her rubber broke too

A pirate walks into a bar and has a ship’s wheel in his pants. The bartender asks, “What’s with the wheel in your pants?” The pirate replies, “Yarrr! It’s drivin’ me nuts!”

“hey what’s the russian president’s name?” “putin?” “yeah, putin deez nuts in yo mouth”

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%%Do you ate chef boyardee’s food?

No, why?

Boy are deez nuts so big