A drunk man walked out of a bar and kept falling flat on his face. He wondered why this was until his wife spoke to him: Wife: why is your face all bloody? Husband: I was so drunk that I couldn’t stand up so I kept falling on my face! Wife: idiot. You left your wheelchair at the bar!

Why does Dr. Pepper come in a bottle?

Because his wife died.

I said to my pregnant wife push darling, come on push harder dear, no she wasn’t giving birth the bloody car would not start.

A man comes home and finds his wife in bed with another guy “What’s going on here!?” He exclaims. The wife replies “See, I told you he was stupid.”