Why has Stephen hawking’s stopped playing hide and seek with his wife? Because she keeps using a metal detector

A wife is like a grenade. Pull the ring and the house is gone.

A programmer and his wife.

She says, “We’re out of bread. Please go the grocery store and buy one. And if they’ve got eggs, get six.”

After a while, he’s back with six loaves of bread.

The wife asks, “Why did you buy 6 loaves of bread?”

He replies, “They had eggs.”

I comforted my friend about his wife’s death: until I found out who did it.