I told my friend yesterday he’s literally my dad.

He didn’t show up for the rest of the year.

Q:Why does Santa Claus have such a big sack?

A:He only comes once a year.

As a little boy I walked in on my parents having intercourse one night, and of course, my parents stopped and sent me back to bed.

The next day my dad tells me “Don’t worry son, I wasn’t hurting mommy, we were just trying to make you a little sister.”

So, when I was young I always wanted a pet. I then looked at my father and asked “Could you do mommy doggy style next time? I want a puppy.”

Funny thing happened today, my dad came home from work which is weird cause he’s a suicide bomber.