Girlfriends are just like Ak47s they always go off on you.
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A: Whats the similarity between your girlfriend and the Sun?

B: They’re both hot?

A: They’re both massive.

* * *

School Bully: How’s your girlfriend? Oh wait, you don’t have any! Me: How’s your parents? Oh wait, you don’t have any! *Continues to burn down orphanage

* * *

My girlfriend left me because of my obsession with pasta. – I’m doing well, but I do get cannelloni.

* * *

Why couldn’t the lizard get a girlfriend?

Because he had a reptile dysfunction!

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