So I’m banging the f@ck out of this slutty chick, right? And I’m thinking to myself, “She’s PROBABLY got AIDS.” So I go and get myself tested and, lo-and-behold, I’m positive. This gets me thinking, “Where the f@ck does an eight year old get AIDS? !” “Who has my sister been hanging out with?!”

Whats the similarities between an emo and some Christmas lights

They are both going to be hanging from a tree

Me, trying to interact with people: “Hey, are you a rope? Because I really wanna HANG with you”

Person I’m talking to: Pulling out phone to call suicide hotline “haha what”

What did the rope and the tree say to the kid

Do you want to hang later