Patient: “Doctor my bottom hurts” Doctor: “Can you tell me exactly where it hurts?” Patient: “Right around the entrance” Doctor: “As long as you call it the entrance it will hurt”

Michael Jakson gets really ill so he’s rushed to hospital. When they get there he says ‘am i in heaven?’ The doctor replies ‘Nah sir we’re just taking a quick shortcut through the children’s ward.’

So i was sitting with my little brother and talk about our dreams. “What do you wanna be when you grow up?” I asked him. He answered “A doctor!”. I wanted to tease him so i said “I wouldn’t be treated by a doctor like you”. I was hoping he would get mad or something but instead, he calmly replied “Brother, i said doctor. Not a vet”

An apple a day keeps a doctor away… at least if you throw it hard enough

Doctor: You’re as healthy as a horse! Jimmy: That’s great! Doctor: A horse with cancer.