Doctors jokes

In the hospital paralyzed kid: I’m out walks out the room blind kid: you can walk?! mute kid: you can see?! deaf kid: you can talk?! doctor: wut the f(beep)k

-2 -1 0 +1 +2
* * *

“Doctor, there’s a patient on line 1 that says he’s invisible” “Well, tell him I can’t see him right now.”

-2 -1 0 +1 +2

My doctor said “you have 1year to live”

I said " you wanna bet"

Bam a gun shot

-2 -1 0 +1 +2
* * *

A woman walks into a doctor’s office. She schedules an appointment and sits down it the waiting room. Whem it’s her turn to talk to the doctor, she describes all of her symptoms, and they’re unlike anything he’s heard before. The doctor runs a few tests and steps out of the room. He comes back later, and says, ‘Well I have good news and bad news.’ The woman says, ‘I’ll hear the good news first please. ’ The doctor replies ‘The good news is we’re naming a disease after you!’

-2 -1 0 +1 +2
* * *

Patient: I’m starting to forget things Doctor: Since when have you had this condition? Patient: What condition?

-2 -1 0 +1 +2
* * *

Person: ‘Doctor, doctor I’ve only got 50 seconds to live’

Doctor: ‘Just give me a minute’

-2 -1 0 +1 +2
* * *

Pinocchio goes to the doctor for a checkup. When he gets there the doctor asks him “Do you have cancer?” Pinocchio replies, “That was very straight up, but, no I’m pretty sure I don’t have cancer.” After saying this, his nose grew.

-2 -1 0 +1 +2
* * *

A woman was 3 months pregnant when she fell into a coma. After 6 months she woke. She asked the doctor “hows the baby?” “You had twins” the doctor replied. “Your brother named them” the woman said *oh no not my brother what did he call them?" “He called the girl Denise” “what about the boy” the woman asked the doctor said “denephew”

-2 -1 0 +1 +2

Lil Jimmy:hey doc Doctor:hi sorry but I can’t see u any more Lil Jimmy:why Doctor: because Lil Jimmy I’m a family doctor your an orphan Lil Jimmy:???

-2 -1 0 +1 +2
* * *

Doctor: I have good news and I have worse news Patient: Well what’s the bad news Doctor: You have one day left to live Patient: What news could possibly be worse Doctor: I’ve been trying to contact you sense yesterday

-2 -1 0 +1 +2
* * *

I am still trying to figure out why paying the covid doctors a complement is so offensive. They even kicked me out and all I said was to stay positive…

An apple a day can do so much more than keep the doctor away… it can keep ANYONE away.

If you throw it hard enough.

-2 -1 0 +1 +2
* * *

So theres a orphan in a hospital and the doctor walks up and says “sorry kid but this is a family hospital”

-2 -1 0 +1 +2
* * *

I went to see my grandfather in the hospital because I Wanted to get to know him better before he passed, maybe take a selfie with him. But when I got there my phone died so I unplugged a vacuum to plug in my phone, and it turns out he only knows Spanish so When he kept saying “Me desconectaste el soporte de mi vida.” I thought he wanted water, but when I got back with the water he was asleep and now my phone was charged so I translated what he said. And it was “You unplugged my life support”, that’s when I called the doctor…

Good news is, I got one sick selfie!

-2 -1 0 +1 +2
* * *

Me: DOCTOR! DOCTOR! I HAVE 50 SECONDS TO LIVE! Doctor: sit down for a minute.

-2 -1 0 +1 +2
* * *

9 out of 10 doctors recommend for children to drink water instead of soda. – That 1 doctor lives in Flint, Michigan.

-2 -1 0 +1 +2
* * *
- up - << N E X T! >> random

© àíåêäîòîâ.net, 1997 - 2024