A man lost his toe when he dropped a knife on it: Doctor: I have good news and bad news Guy" Whats the bad news Doc: They replaced your toe with a piece of candy Guy: Good news? Doc: You now have tic tac toe
Asian man goes to the eye doctor. Doctor says, “It looks like you have a cataract.” Asian guy says, “No Doc, I drive a Rincoln.”
Doctor: Madam, Your Husband Needs Rest And Peace So Here Are Some Sleeping Pills.
Wife: Doctor, When Should I Give Them To Him?
Doctor: They Are For You.!!
When I was born the doctors said, “it’s a boy!” Then when they went to cut the embilical cord, they cut the wrong thing. Then they said, “OH, It’s a girl.”
Doctor: I’ve got good news and bad news Patient: What’s the good news? Doctor: I’ve got u flowers Patient: Awww, What’s the bad news? Doctor: They’re for your grave
A doctor tells a woman she can no longer touch anything alcoholic. So she gets a divorce.
Place a man in a morgue, he’ll try to leave.
Place a doctor in a morgue, he’ll go to work.
Place a necrophiliac in a morgue, he’ll stay happy for a week.
My friend was told by her doctor that she was morbidly obese. As if she doesn’t have enough on her plate.
Two men are in a rainforest and one of them is peeing. Suddenly a snake jumps out of some bushes and bites the man’s penis. The other man says, “ Oh my God, I will go to a doctor immediately!”. He didn’t have enough time to load the man into the car so he went straight to the hospital. The man told the doctor what happened and the doctor said, “You will have to make an incision at the wound and suck the poison out. The man wen back to the other man and said, “ There is no hope, you will die.”
My ex got into a bad accident recently. I told the doctors the wrong blood type. Now she will really know what rejection feels like
“Doctor, I’m shrinking!” “Well, you’ll just have to be a little patient.”
A guy is at home and he’s about to go get a physical at the Doctor’s office. When he gets there, the Doctor says, “Brian, you’re going to have to stop masturbating. ” He asked the Doc why? The Doc said, “So I can examine you!”
What’s the difference between an anal and oral thermometer? The taste.
You’re so short, when you were born, the doctor couldn’t tell if you were a boy, a girl, or a Jimmy Dean pork sausage.
A woman visits the doctor as she has some abdominal pains and suspects she may be pregnant. After her examination, the doctor comes out to see her: “Well, I hope you like changing diapers!” She replies: “Oh my god! Am I pregnant, am I pregnant!?” To which he responds: “No, you’ve got bowel cancer.”
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