So three daughters were sitting in the same room as their mother, the first daughter asked why she was named Daisy. So the mother replies “Because when we were taking you out of the hospital, a daisy landed on your forehead.” The second daughter asked why she was named Rose. So the mother explained “Same as Daisy, when you we were taking you out of the hospital, a rose petal landed on your forehead.” The third daughter then said “ksvrjxbdkavdowbxksb” so the mother said “Shut Up Brick!”
A little girl said to her mom "MOM MY BUTTS CRACKED KISS IT KISS IT"her mom said “sweetie SHUT UP ITS ALWAYS BEEN THERE” then her daughter died cuz of her melodramaticness.
Kid: hey dad whats dark humor ? Dad: go walk up to that homeless guy and throw a rock at him . Kid: but dad I dont have any legs or arms . Dad: exactly son.
Once my sister was a sister now shes a blister
One day a father and a daughter were at a park. The daughter accidentally kills a butterfly. The father says, “Just because you killed the butterfly, you don’t get butter for a week.” They were there the next day, and the daughter kills a cockroach. The father laughs and says, “Nice try.”
y do orphans eat cereal with water there dad did not come back with the milk
Most states: “It’s ok, it won’t be awkward. We’re still friends.” Alabama: “She didn’t wanna be my girlfriend anymore. But she said she’ll still be my sister.”
I was watching my daughter play at the park, a woman came up to me and asked which one was mine, I said I was still choosing.
I told my friend yesterday he’s literally my dad. He didn’t show up for the rest of the year.
what do you call a dad in the mirror? ( Your imagination )
So my dad said to me and my sister don’t fight but did he mean “fist fight” or “yelling fight?”
The doctor told me I had aids I said it’s your fault sister.
Sometimes, I think back on all the mistakes I’ve ever made. Then I realize “My daughter isn’t THAT bad…”
my 14 year old daughter went shopping at grocery story she gets to the register and she asked the cashier to scan her scarred wrist , the cashier scanned it and replied with " ma’am this item is worthless "
Johnny is very attached to his parents, he asks to take a shower with her when she gets in. He looks down and asks "whats that?"The mother replies "that’s my garage" he looks up and asks what are those? The mother responds “those are my headlights.” He then goes and takes a shower with his dad. He looks down “daddy whats that?” The dad replies “that’s my car.” He goes to sleep that night and wakes up because of a bad dream. He goes and tell his mother and she says “you can lay with me.” He falls fast asleep then wakes up once more because of falling off the bed he gets back up and gets under the covers. Then he feels the bed moving he looks under the covers to investigate and see’s them going at it he then yells “mommy turn on you’re headlights daddy’s parking his car in you’re garage!” THUD
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