When Bubba’s condom broke, he spent a lot of sleepless nights wondering if he was going to be an uncle or a dad.
What did the the drummer call his twin daughters? Anna one, Anna two!
My sister reminds me of 911 one moan of OMG got everyone’s attention.
My dad is like Hurricane Katrina. I haven’t seen either sense 2005
I named my daughter Kennedy so when I talked about how her brain was shot out of her head people just thought I paid really close attention in history.
Daughter: So, I got my period. Mom: That’s wonderful, dear! Now you can bleed for a whole week a month without dying! Daughter: That’s nice, Mum, but isn’t the whole point of getting your period dying? Mom: Yes, but you have to kill yourself a little longer to live through to the another day. Daughter: Thanks, Mum. That makes a whole lot of sense. (Sarcastically) Mom: You’re welcome, honey. (Clueless. Obviously.)
A virgin is what I called my daughter before I took that away from her
I wont ever Forget my dads last words: “OH GOD THE POLICE!!!”
I’ll never forget my sister’s last word. “Is it edible?”
Son: "Dad, Are we pyromaniacs?" Dad: "Yes, we arson
A dad told his son never to hit girls so the sun repeid i promis. When the sun got older he was doing the dirty with "a girl " and the girl sais spank me daddy… and the sons repsonds my dad said never to hit a girl. and the “girl” takes of the wig and its his dad and the dad said good job son!.. Son:… um
When you’re f@cking your boss’s daughter, then you realize that you are self-employed.
My sister thinks shes so smart she said only and onion can make you cry so i brought the belt out and she started crying
My sister and I were both adopted from the same country, and my parents say they got us on a “two for one special.”
Teacher: Ok class I’m going to ask a question about your family. Alex: Miss my Dad died In 9/11 Teacher: OH NO IM SO SORRY! Alex: Don’t worry miss It was only Dad and besides he did what he wanted before he died. Teacher: What was that? Alex: Flew the plane.
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