Fire jokes

I bought a gun from Walmart today. I guess they knew what I was going to do with it, because when I pulled the gun on the cashier, I realized the firing mechanism was in reverse.

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Q: How do you make a 9/11 cocktail?

A: Light two Manhattans on fire and then knock them over.

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Father: "The church is on fire! GET OUT GET OUT!" Priest: "Ok, what about the children?“ Father:“f@ck THE CHILDREN" Preist:” Do you think we’ll have time?”

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What’s the difference between a hamster and a cigarette? They’re both harmless until you stick them in your mouth and light them on fire

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Once upon a time, there were three kingdoms, all bordering on the same lake. For centuries, these kingdoms had fought over an island in the middle of that lake. One day, they decided to have it out, once and for all.

The first kingdom was quite rich, and sent an army of 25 knights, each with three squires. The night before the battle, the knights

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A kid is arrested for a school shooting threat he is then apprehended and asked why he wanted to do this. He responds with “what do you mean I already did it” then the police ran back to the school to aprehend the other people he was planing it with the cops busted in through the doors which caused a smoke trap to go off which then the cops saw three people walk in and the police begin to fire. But as the smoke began to clear the cops saw that the three people were 16 kids duck taped to rolling poles 4 per pole. Back to the station holding the kid being apprehended. the kid puts his feet up on a chair and said “Aww it pays to be lazy!”

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Roses are red, Violets are red, Sunflowers are red,

HOLY SHIT MY GARDEN’S ON FIRE

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1.) What’s Yellow And Can’t Swim?

A Bus Full Of Children 2.) Did you hear bout the pilsbury dough boy?

He died of a yeast infection 3.) I will never forget my grandads last words…

“you’re still holding the ladder right?” 4.) I have a fish that can breakdance…

Only for 20 seconds though, and only once 5.) give a man a match and he will be warm for a few hours…

Lite a man on fire and he will be warm for the rest of his life

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Q: Why did the chef get fired? A: He took cooking advice from Hitler!

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One man was very depressed cause he lost everything. He lost his job. He lost his home and he lost his wife. So he went lonely into the forest to grief. Suddenly with the head rise up he sees Santa Claus walking by. — Santa? he asks. ‘Why are you early, it is not even christmas?’

Ho, ho. Don’t worry about me. Lets worry about you instead’ says Santa. What is the problem my friend?’

I lost everything good in my life. I got fired from my job. My wife divorced me. I lost my house." Santa: I can help you. You can wish three things you want in life and i’ll give it to you-" Man: My first wish is i want my house back. Santa: Done! Man: My second wish is i want 1 million amount of cash in my bank account. Santa: Done! Man: My third wish is i also want my job back! Santa: Done, but before i actually give you those wishes, I haft to hump you. Man: Okey. Lets do it. So the Santa claus takes of his pants to hump the man. After they are done humping the santa ask the man: -How old are you? Man: I am 35 years old. Santa: And still believe in Santa Claus??!! HOHOHOHO!!!

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My doctor told me that I had to burn calories, so I took a fat kid and lit them on fire

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