Hit jokes

The weirdest thing happend to me today i was driving 50mph and hit a speedbump aand it screamed

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What do you do when your dish washer stops working

Hit your wife harder

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Two homeless alcoholics want to get drunk but don’t have enough money for even the cheapest drinks in any bar. So one of them devises a clever plan: he tells his friend “We should buy a hot-dog sausage with the last of our money and stick it down my pants, then drink a load of drinks but then when the bill comes you get down and suck on the hot-dog and it’ll look like you’re sucking on my dick so then we’ll get thrown out without paying and we can just go to another bar and do the same thing again”. His friend agrees so they buy the hot-dog, stick it down the first dude’s pants, go to the bar and then the second dude begins to suck on the hot-dog as agreed. They are thrown out and hit another four bars this way. In the end, as they lie drunk on the floor in some alleyway, the second guy says, “Well, what a great night. Free beers in five different bars!” The first guy says “Yeah! Especially since the hot-dog fell out before we even reached the first bar!”

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Q: what’s stronger than family?

A: whatever tree Paul walker hit

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I was working for Space X. I was instructed to control a satellite’s orbit rotation when suddenly the screen went black. I investigated and found out one of Penaldos penalty had hit and destroyed the satellite. Shame on you Penaldo for ruining my dream job!

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Why done orphans get offended by dark humor?

It doesn’t hit home

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I’m not saying I hate you. But if you got hit by a bus I’d be driving that bus.

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What do friends and trees have in common? They both fall down when you hit them with an axe.

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Who reads the fastest? The pilot of the plane who hit one of the twin towers, He took out 83 stories in one go.

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Yo mama’s so stupid, she got hit by a parked car.

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What’s the definition of “perfect pitch?” Throwing a viola into the dumpster without hitting the rim.

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Why was I stress eating on the train track?

To wait to get hit.

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I was wondering why the frisbee was getting bigger, then it hit me.

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Student: 503 bricks are on a plane. 1 falls off. How many are left?

Teacher: 502.

Student: How do you put an elephant in a fridge?

Teacher:No you can’t fit an elephant in a fridge!!

Student: Just open door, put elephant in, close door.

Student: How do you put a giraffe in the fridge?

Teacher: open door,put giraffe in, close door

Student: no! Open door, take elephant out, put giraffe in, close door.

Student: The Lion King is having a B-day party. All the animals are there, except one. Which one? Teacher: let me guess the lion?

Student: No!The giraffe because He’s in a fridge.

Teacher: WOW!

Student: Sally has to get across a large river home to many alligators. They are very dangerous, but Sally swims across safely. How?

Teacher: Sally stepped on the alligators mouth?

Student:The gators are at the party.

Student: But Sally dies anyway. Why?

Teacher: She drowned?!

Student: no! She got hit in the head by a flying brick.

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My life is a lot like a game of Black Jack

I always hit on 16, the get busted

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