Hope jokes

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A woman visits the doctor as she has some abdominal pains and suspects she may be pregnant. After her examination, the doctor comes out to see her: “Well, I hope you like changing nappies/diapers”. She replies: “Oh my god am I pregnant, am I pregnant!?” To which he responds: “No, you’ve got bowel cancer. ” I hope ya’ll that have depression kys you are worthless trash just kidding

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One day, inexplicably, my talking parrot started insulting me. He called me an idiot, a fool, a jerk, stupid, and a variety of other nasty names. I warned the squawker to cease, but to no avian avail. Fed up, I finally flipped the foul-mouthed feather-brain into the freezer…but after about 15 seconds, I relented and let him out. “I’m so sorry,” he declared! “I don’t know what came over me, and realize I shouldn’t have said those terrible things. I hope you can forgive me, and I promise never to do it again! By the way…what did the chicken do?” ????

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So i was sitting with my little brother and talk about our dreams. “What do you wanna be when you grow up?” I asked him. He answered “A doctor!”. I wanted to tease him so i said “I wouldn’t be treated by a doctor like you”. I was hoping he would get mad or something but instead, he calmly replied “Brother, i said doctor. Not a vet”

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I hope when I inevitably choke to death on gummy bears, people just say I was killed by bears and leave it at that

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I GAVE UP HOPE AND I LIKED IT!! I TAKE MEDS TO FEEL FANTASTIC! (i kissed a boy{but fed up lyrics})

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When I was a kid, my hamster died so my mum bought a new identical one, hoping I wouldn’t notice. It didn’t matter anyway, since I beat that one to death too

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I hope I’m not a big pain, but Jordan C, please stop bothering me about my age! I know I am 8 years old, but enough. Then you make jokes about how smart I am and intimidate me because of my name. I don’t remember intimidating you for anything. So please, with all due respect, stop. PS It’s not for drama, it’s because you’re bullying me for nothing. I come here just to joke or be nice to people, not for the drama. So please again. Stop. That is all I ask. Thank you. Addison.

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A man is standing on the side of the road, waiting to cross, when another man stands alongside him, the first man says, " I have been waiting to cross here for ages, its impossible to cross " the second man says, “there is a zebra crossing up the road”, he said, “I hope he is having better luck than I am”.

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whoever took my anti-depressent pills I hope your f@cking happy

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I asked a girl I met if I could take her out to dinner The joke is I new right after she said I’ll call you She was lying to me, not surprised even a little The next joke was a part of me hoped she would call , but did I really think she was going to, I’ll never be good enough for anyone, what was I thinking, why did I even bother to ask her in the first place, I think it was just to prove I was right , I’m unwanted LONELINESS EQUALS SADNESS

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