Life jokes

Business Interview With Depression Inside my brain…

Me: So… You’re new?

Depression: (I don’t know who he is yet) mHMMMmmm!

Me: Well what are your skills?

Depression: Oh, taking control and leading… You know…

Me: What are you trying out for?

Depression: Oh, Vice Leader of Negative Thoughts.

Me: Well we do need someone over there- for somewhat reason nobody wanted that job…

Me: How did you know about us?

Depression: Oh- I knew because of Anxiety, you know, we’re friends!

Me: Interesting… (Still has no idea about Anxiety and it’s problemos)

Me: Well I think you’re signed up! I’ll give you the job!

Depression: tHaNKS:)

AND THATS HOW MY LIFE GOT DESTROYED:]

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My doctor said I only have 1 year to live, so I killed him. Got sentenced to life in prison, problem solved!

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Give a man a plane ticket and he’ll fly for a day. Push a man from a plane and he’ll fly for the rest of his life.

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Teacher: People with Depression never get anywhere in life. Student 1: My mom has depression, but she died. Student 2: My sister has depression and she’s going to Therapy. Student 3: My Dad Has depression, and he’s Doing REALLY Well

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“Don’t worry! Life goes on”

“Yeah that’s what’s had me worried”

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If I was an object in this world I’d be a glass! Because if you leave me when I’m too close to the edge I will likely shatter and break.

If I was a pizza topping I would be pineapple! Because everybody doubts me.

I’m a star! Because one of these days I’m going to crash and burn…

If I could choose what creature I come back as after I die I’d be a panda,

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Tell a woman she’s beautiful a hundred times and she won’t believe you. Tell a woman she’s fat once and she will remember it for the rest of her life because elephants never forget.

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What do you do when life gives you lemons Slit your wrist and give a lemon a twist.???

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Life is like a box of chocolates. It doesn’t last as long for fat people.

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Remember kids, when you’re angry, burn down an orphanage. Then they’ll really be living the hard knock life.

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Define abnormal life.

Waking up everyday living a sane life!

I liked my life when I first got it…later they said no because I didn’t have the receipt.

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And the Lord said unto John, “Come forth and you will receive eternal life.” But John came fifth, and he got a toaster.

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Kid: what is the biggest mistake you made in your life. Parents: go look above the bathroom sink *kid goes and looks but then he reilises

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It says enter a joke, but I can’t enter my life.

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Im not suicidal im just speedrunning life

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