I went for a job interview today and the manager said, “We’re looking for someone who is responsible.”
“Well, I’m your man.” I replied, “In my last job, whenever anything went wrong, they said I was responsible.”
So what if I can’t spell Armageddon? It’s not the end of the world
My cow just wandered into a field of marijuana. The steaks have never been so high…
My boyfriend just broke up with me for talking about video games too much. what a stupid thing to Fallout 4.
Claustrophobic people are more productive thinking out of the box.
A mexican was doing a magic trick he said “uno, dos,” then disappeared without a trace
I once ate a watch. It was time consuming.
Why did the gym close down? – It just didn’t work out.
Hear about the restaurant called karma? There is no menu: You get what you deserve
Why were the Middle Ages called the Dark Ages?
Because there were too many knights.
I couldn’t quite remember how to throw a boomerang, but eventually it came back to me.
I bought a wooden whistle. But it wooden whistle. so I bought a steel whistle. But it steel wooden whistle. So I bought a lead whistle. But it steel wooden lead me whistle.
Do you want to hear a money joke? Never mind it makes no cents
What is the best thing about living in Switzerland? – Well, the flag is a big plus.
Why was the ocean so blue? Because the island never waved back.
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