A guy walks into a bar with a revolver and yells, “WHO THE F*** F***ED MY WIFE!” A man in the back responds, “YOU AINT GOT ENOUGH BULLETS MATE!”
A friend of mine just got divorced. He and his ex-wife split the house. He got the outside.
Why are we depressed, is it because that bully in your school, or that you have acne, how about when you listen to you sad song playlist, maybe cause you have no friends, Or is it the fact your anime girlfriend is fake. T^T
My wife said if I don’t get of the computer shes gonna slam my head in to the keyboard but I think I’ll ajlkfsdhnvkwr;anhf
My wife left me for an Indian guy. – I know he’s going to treat her well, I heard they worship cows.
Why did the Chinese woman hang up?
Because she Wang the Wong number
Woman one: I got so mad at my GPS today that I told it to go to hell! Woman two: Did that work? Woman one: Well, it took me to my in-laws’ house.
Wife:Honey im pregnant
Husband:Hi Pregnant im dad
Wife:No you’re not
A woman comes to the doctors an says ‘doctor, I think I have cancer’ the doctor checks it out ‘it’s all in your head’ the doctor says ‘phew’ said the woman, ‘a bunch of tumors, all in your head’
Last halloween i went dressed as a woman. When i rang the doorbell an elderly woman opened and i made grunting noise and knocked the bowl of candy out of her hands. She immediately called the police and told them excactly what happened. The officer pulled me aside and asked me a few questions. First he asked are your parents here and i said nothing. Concerned by my answer he then asked if i was ok so i said nothing. He asked me what my name and i responded, "Hellen Keller.
Why is there no woman on the moon?
Because it doesnt need to be cleaned
Men vacuum in the same way that they have sex.
They just put it in and make some noise for 3 minutes before they collapse on the couch and think that their wife should be really happy.
“What does the word ‘gay’ mean?” asked a son his father.
“It means ‘happy’,” replied the father.
“Oh, ” contested the son, “so you are gay then?” “No, son, I have a wife.”
“No, son, I have a wife.”
What’s the worst part of Breaking up with a Japanese girl?
You have to drop the bomb twice until she finally gets it.
I have a problem my dad any my girlfriend have the same birthday. So one took my virginity and the other is my girlfriend
The other day, my wife asked me to pass her lipstick but I accidentally passed her a glue stick. She still isn’t talking to me.
“I’m not sure why my girlfriend’s father doesn’t like me.”
“What was your first impression on him?”
“I told him, she calls me daddy too.”
Billy: spits out food
Mom: BILLY! We swallow what we have in our mouths.
Dad: looks at mom
Mom: Shut up
If you get you get it
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