I remember my uncles last words: “I don’t think were going shooting today.”
“I wasn’t that drunk yesterday.” “Oh boy you took the shower head in your arms and told it to stop crying.”
what did the rope and the tree say to the kid do you want to hang later
Little Johnny is watching his dad shave one morning and his dad was making alot of mistakes. Suddenly his dad screams " bitches and asses!" Johnny asks what it meant and his dad replied " aunts and uncles" Oh. next thing he hears is “dicks and pussies!” Johnny asks " what’s that mean?" To which his dad replied " uh coats and hats." Oh next thing he know he sees his dad jumping around the the bathroom yelling " f@cking, f@ck,f@ck,f@ck" " what does that mean dad?" And his dad yells " cut Johnny, it means cut!!!" Oh. Next week is Thanksgiving and the doorbell rings and Johnny answers it and says " Hey bitches and asses, hang your dicks and pussies here, dad’s in the kitchen f@cking the turkey.
Famous last words of my uncle: (a bomb disposal expert) yes the red wire
I could never forget my grandfathers last words. “Stop shaking the ladd-”
What has two legs but can’t walk? Pants ??
Last words of the captain of the Titanic… Where’s all this water come from??
What do you call a guy with no arms and no legs in a pile of leaves? Russel
When your sad don’t feel down about yourself break someone’s leg and laugh.
why does a movie set say break a leg? because they have a CAST
you tell an orphan joke to an orphan you start laughing they start crying they say they are going to tell their mom then you start laughing harder
I remember my grandfathers last words: Are you holding the ladder
The depressed kid went to high five the tree… but the tree left them hanging… Children are like a box of Christmas decorations. I keep ‘em in my basement until it’s time to hang ‘em from a tree.
To whoever has my voodoo doll, please hold its hand.
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