Best Jokes

I went to see my grandfather in the hospital because I Wanted to get to know him better before he passed, maybe take a selfie with him. But when I got there my phone died so I unplugged a vacuum to plug in my phone, and it turns out he only knows Spanish so When he kept saying “Me desconectaste el soporte de mi vida.” I thought he wanted water, but when I got back with the water he was asleep and now my phone was charged so I translated what he said. And it was “You unplugged my life support”, that’s when I called the doctor…

Good news is, I got one sick selfie!

What time is it when you can smell smoke?? inside? Time to get outside

Your mamas so fat, scientists found a new planet called Heranus

What do you get if you eat 3.14 cakes?

Fat, you get Fat.

What? were you expecting a pi joke?

Yo mama so fat that when she sits down, the earth falls out of the Solar System.

Why did the wall fall over?

A drunk driver hit it going 90mph and died.

My uncle was a preist he had a two-inch penis but when it was in my ass it felt like a torpedo

What’s the difference between a priest and target?

Nothing, they both have children’s pants half off.

What is the difference between a school bully and a feminist?

The school bully does not hide behide there computer screen.

All the lines on the LGBT flag are straight

I was digging in our garden when I found a chest full of gold coins. I was about to run straight home to tell my wife about it, but then I remembered why I was digging in our garden.

Roses are red my blood is too i see a lot when i lost u

What sea creature can add up? A octoplus

Why was the kids report card all wet?

Because it was below “sea” level

Why can’t blind people have a sea food diet?

They have to see the food to eat

On the inside of a fire hydrant you’ll find H2O. What’s on the outside? K9P

Steven hawking walks into a bar, the bartender says… WAITTTT WHATTT