Best Jokes
2 February: Top today:
When midgets smoke weed do they get high or do they get medium
| Smoking jokes |
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My fifth wife asked me to help her dig in the garden. Here we go again
| Woman jokes |
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When little johnny was about 3 he got curious and stuck his hand up a maniquins pants and his mom says no little johnny there is teeth up there that will bite off your hand little johnny thing oh no i cant do that again. a few years later he was 15 and he had a gf and they were making out and she says why dont you ever stick your hand up my pants he says on no my mom says there is teeth that will bite off my hand up there she says no there isnt just look little johnny looks and says well no wonder there aint no teeth by the way them gums look.
| Stick jokes |
A d v e r t i s e m e n t:
2 February: Poor jokes:
A wife decided to leave for a vacation, leaving her husband in supervision of her mother and her cat. After a few days, she called her husband and asked, “How is everything going?” He responded with, “The cat is dead.” She cried out and said, “Why couldn’t you’ve broken the new slowly? You could have said the cat is playing on the roof or on the first day, and the next say it broke its leg, then the next that the poor things dead! Anyways, how’s my mom?” “She’s playing on the roof.”
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2 February: Bar jokes:
A horse a fox and a bunny join together and make a rock band they started doing tiny gigs but they got famous and went on tour they all got so famous it went to their heads and the band disbanded the fox made his and bunny made her own the horse was sad that the band was no more so he went to a bar and
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2 February: Family jokes:
Teacher: People with Depression never get anywhere in life. Student 1: My mom has depression, but she died. Student 2: My sister has depression and she’s going to Therapy. Student 3: My Dad Has depression, and he’s Doing REALLY Well
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A d v e r t i s e m e n t:
2 February: Priest jokes:
What did the priest say to the other in the orphanage?
“Let us prey together.”
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What’s the difference between a Catholic priest and a zit? A zit will wait until you’re twelve before it comes on your face.
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2 February: Stick jokes:
A conductor was conducting a song, at the end he through his conductor’s stick and killed someone, he was put to the electric chair but nothing happened, they asked why he didn’t die and he replied, “I’m a bad conductor”
How do you start an Ethiopian rave? stick toast to the ceiling.
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“Sticks and stones break my bones.” a crowbar does it so much quicker
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2 February: Fight jokes:
“Our all-transgender brigade has suffered heavy casualties!” “What? We haven’t even sent them to fight!” “They’ve already lost 30% of the unit!”
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Two atom soldiers are fighting against an army. One gets shot. He cried out, im hit! I think I’ve lost an electron! Are you sure? Asks the other. Im positive!
This one as actually physics(unlike some other joke here, ahem cough cough)
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A d v e r t i s e m e n t:
2 February: Teacher jokes:
So I was doing a project in my class and my teacher asked me to give an example of allusion, which is referencing something else with a word.
So I answered, “Jane 9/11ed her little sisters Jenga kit”
The principles office smells nice
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2 February: Ex jokes:
What do you call lesbians having sex? My cheating dyke ex wife!
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2 February: Hope jokes:
Whats the difference between a Nun and a prostitue taking a bath? The Nun has a soul full of hope…
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What did the fork say to the cake when he said i hope u get eaten
Fork off
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A d v e r t i s e m e n t:
