Best Jokes

4 June: Top today:
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Stick jokes
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A guy went to the doctor and told him that whenever he drinks a cup of tea his eye hurts,the doctor brought him a cup and asked him to drink when he finished the doctor told him: from now on take off the spoon.

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Doctors jokes
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Sea jokes


Colder than the conversation between a fat guy and a Super Model

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Hell in Greek Times was known as cold and misty so now just look at Seattle.

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Knock knock.

Whos there?

Atch.

Atch who?

Sorry you are sneezing. Have you got a cold?

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4 June: Puns jokes:

An atom loses an electron It says, Man, I really gotta keep an ion them.

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The past, the present, and the future walk into a bar

It was tense.

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Id tell a sodium and hydrogen pun, but NaH

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4 June: Hit jokes:

Titanic — yo look at that sexy babe of an iceberg, lets hit her

(Set up joke for the actual joke) So why dont blind people go sky diving? It scares the hell out of their seeing eye dog. (Actual joke) When does a blind person know when hes about to hit the ground? The leash goes slack.

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What do friends and trees have in common? They both fall down when you hit them with an axe.

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Why are Egyptian gods orphans Because Egypt needs to sell Anubis (a-new-bus) every year to make a prophet

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4 June: Drunk jokes:

A 6 year old girl decides to get baptized, she walks into the water of the river. Unfortunately the pastor was drunk. The pastor put her In the water and dunked her under. The drunken man then forgot to bring her up from the water. The poor girl was drowned and died later on when the pastor was better and thrown in jail. All he had to say to the mortified family was well, at least shes in heaven!

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A man sits in a bar and get seriously drunk to the point where he vomits on his shirt. He panics. The bartender asked, Whats wrong sir? The man replys, I got drunk and vomited, my wife will kill me. The bartender says, " put 20$ in the shirt and say someone puked on you and they paid you for the wash." So the man walks out the with 20$ he put in his shirt pocket. The next day the wife said, Why is there vomit on your shirt? The man says, Someone puked on me and gave me 20$ bucks for the wash. The wife pull out the money. There is 40$-, says the wife. Oh, he also peed on me he paid for the wash to. The man walks away in belif he didnt get caught by his wife.

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4 June: Green jokes:

Whats green and smells like bacon?

Kermits finger.

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What is Green and red and goes round and round? A frog in a blender (this next one is pretty bad, and I dont mean it, so dont get offended) Whats the difference between a Mexican and a park bench? One can support an average family

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4 June: Little Johnny:

Little Johnny said he wanted a coffee. SO his mom said he can have one. He got an esspresso not knowing depresso came with it.

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Little Johnny was walking down an alley and saw a lamp. After he rubbed it a genie came out and said You have 10 seconds to have one wish. Little Johny says he wants to pee alcohol. The genie grants his wish. He tells his family and his sister doesnt believe it. After having a drink she says, We should have this every night!. Little Johny gets two cups every night one for him and his sister. He does the same thing for four nights. Eventually he ran out of cups and has one left. He gives on himself and his sister asks, Wheres my cup?. little Johny replied, Your drinking out of the bottle tonight.

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4 June: Hope jokes:

One day, inexplicably, my talking parrot started insulting me. He called me an idiot, a fool, a jerk, stupid, and a variety of other nasty names. I warned the squawker to cease, but to no avian avail. Fed up, I finally flipped the foul-mouthed feather-brain into the freezerbut after about 15 seconds, I relented and let him out. Im so sorry, he declared! I dont know what came over me, and realize I shouldnt have said those terrible things. I hope you can forgive me, and I promise never to do it again! By the waywhat did the chicken do????

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I was given my Electronics test today. Turns out it was given to me cauz I have the same name as someone who got 54/59. I actually got my hopes up too.

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4 June: Dream jokes:

Man: I know how to please a woman. Woman: Then please leave me alone.

Man: I want to give myself to you. Woman: Sorry, I dont accept cheap gifts.

Man: Your hair color is fabulous. Woman: Thank you. Its on aisle three at the corner drug store.

Man: You look like a dream. Woman: Go back to sleep.

Man: I can tell that you want me. Woman: Yes, I want you to leave.

Man: Hey, baby, whats your sign? Woman: Do not enter. -OR- Stop.

Man: Your body is like a temple. Woman: Sorry, there are no services today.

Man: Is this seat empty? Woman: Yes, and this one will be too if you sit down.

Man: Whats it like being the most beautiful girl in the bar? Woman: I hate you.

Man: Havent I seen you someplace before? Woman: Yeah, thats why I dont go there anymore.

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