Best Jokes

17 September: Top today:

How does a crazy person get to the woods?

He takes the psychopath.

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Puns jokes
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After a surgery, a man claimed he couldn’t feel his legs, i replied “OF COURSE NOT, I AMPUTATED YOUR f@ckING ARMS!”

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Dark Humor
17 September: Hit jokes:

What do you do when your dish washer stops working

Hit your wife harder

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If a person in a wheel chair runs you over, can you call it a Hit and Can?t Run

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17 September: Lost jokes:

I lost at Kahoot so I had to ka-shoot

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What do you call a magician who has lost their magic?

Ian.

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17 September: Doctors jokes:

Doctor: you don’t have long to live. 10… Patient: ten what? ten years, ten months? Doctor: 9… 8… 7…

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A man goes for his annual checkup. Afterwords he’s sitting the the doctor’s office and the doctor comes in with the results of his tests. The doctor says, “I have some bad news; you have cancer and Alzheimer’s. ” The man replies, “well, at least I don’t have cancer.”

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My doctor said “you have 1year to live”

I said " you wanna bet"

Bam a gun shot

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17 September: What’s the difference?:

What’s the difference between Dark humor and Morbid humor? Dark humon is 10 babies in 1 trash can and Morbid humor is 1 baby in 10 trash cans

What’s the difference between a pizza and a baby? A pizza dosent scream in the oven.

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What’s the difference between a prostitute and a daredevil?

One has cunning stunts, whilst the other has a stunning…

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What’s the difference between a Catholic Priest and a pedophile?

One is Catholic

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17 September: Milk jokes:

You know if you go to wal-mart, and go to the milk section you might just find your dads

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17 September: Family jokes:

I woke up to my daughter riding me in bed. I asked “What are you doing?” She replied, “Making a Creampie.”

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So a girl goes to Santa in the mall, and Santa asks what she would like for Christmas. So the kid says: “a little sister”. So then Santa says: “bring me your mother!”

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17 September: Transport jokes:

What do you call a train that stalls?

The little engine that couldn’t!

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What do you call a train with buble gum?

A chew chew train

Oh man im depressed

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Once there were three Indians. Two were smart and one was… not so smart. One day, the first smart Indian went out hunting. He came back with a dead deer. The not so smart Indian asks “How’d you do it?” The smart one replies, "I followed the deer tracks, shot the deer, and brought it home." The next day, the next smart Indian goes out. He comes back with a dead bear. The not so smart Indian asks once again “How’d you do it?” The smart one replies, "I followed the bear tracks, shot the bear, and brought it home." Finally, it’s now the not so smart Indian’s turn to go hunt. Multiple hours had passed since he left. The smart Indians go out to search for him. They finally find him, bloodied and on the verge of dying. The smart Indians exclaimed "WHAT HAPPENED!" The not so smart Indian replies, “Well I… I followed the train tracks, an… and shot th- the train… bu- but it kept going…”

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17 September: Green jokes:

What’s green and smells like ham.

Kermit the frogs fingers

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What’s green and smells like bacon?

Kermit’s finger.

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17 September: Priest jokes:

What is different about priests and acne.

Acne waits until your 13 to cum on your face

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Girl: daddy ive been a bad girl priest: for the last time its father I have sinned

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Father: "The church is on fire! GET OUT GET OUT!" Priest: "Ok, what about the children?“ Father:“f@ck THE CHILDREN" Preist:” Do you think we’ll have time?”

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