Best Jokes
Me: Wanna play 9/11? Friend: What’s that?
Me: Its a game where I kick you in both legs and watch you fall.
| Game jokes |
Why didn’t Sally get home from work.
She got hit by a bus
| Transport jokes |
So one time I had a dream where I as on a road trip and we drove a gulf cart and a Susan, which I don’t know why the heck the name of the car was called a Susan. We went into this house and there was like a woman there and we went into this bathroom which looked like a public bathroom which was so weird!!!
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When I was a little boy I had this dream I was eating a giant marshmallow
When I woke I was being sexually abused
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It was the year 1912, I was in the SS. titanic, and I woke from a dream to think, “I’ve heard of wet dreams, but is that WATER?”
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Why do cows have hooves instead of feet? – Because they lactose.
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Why do orphan eat cereal with water
Because dad never came back with the milk
I have a stepladder. my real ladder left for milk and never came back.
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What’s the difference between America and a bottle of milk? – In 200 years the milk will have developed a culture.
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“hey there man, you wanna hang later?”
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I told the judge I thought she was unconscious before she woke up crying. The judge asked: why didn’t you drug her again so she would forget?
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Whats the difference between onions and babys?
I cry when i cut onions.
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What’s the difference between an orphan and a watermelon? One of them is fun to hit with a sledge hammer and the other one is just a watermelon
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What the difference between a feminist and Hitler?
Both were good at starting wars, only difference was Hitler knew when to kill himself afterwards.
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What’s the difference between oral sex and anal sex?
Oral sex will make your whole day. Anal sex will make your hole weak.
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A dad told his son never to hit girls so the sun repeid i promis. When the sun got older he was doing the dirty with "a girl " and the girl sais spank me daddy… and the sons repsonds my dad said never to hit a girl. and the “girl” takes of the wig and its his dad and the dad said good job son!.. Son:… um
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A Pedphile brings his Eight year old Daughter to the doctors office. The doctor asked her if she would like some Candy? Her father replies please no more candy for her i gave her enough today.
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A frog goes into a bank and approaches the teller. He can see from her nameplate that the teller’s name is Patricia Whack. So he says, "Ms. Whack, I’d like to get a loan to buy a boat and go on a long vacation." Patti looks at the frog in disbelief and asks how much he wants to borrow.
The frog says $30,000.
The teller asks his name and the frog says that his name is Kermit Jagger, his dad is Mick Jagger, and that it’s OK, he knows the bank manager.
Patti explains that $30,000 is a substantial amount of money and that he will need to secure some collateral against the loan. She asks if he has anything he can use as collateral.
The frog says, “Sure. I have this,” and produces a tiny pink porcelain elephant, about half an inch tall, bright pink and perfectly formed.
Very confused, Patti explains that she’ll have to consult with the manager and disappears into a back office.
She finds the manager and says “There’s a frog called Kermit Jagger out there who claims to know you and wants to borrow $30,000. He wants to use this as collateral.” She holds up the tiny pink elephant. “I mean, what the heck is this?”
The bank manager looks back at her and says: “It’s a knick knack, Patti Whack. Give the frog a loan. His old man’s a Rolling Stone”
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John: hi boss it is raining heavily today so I would not be coming
Boss: u stated in ur job application that swimming was it hobby so see u at at 11am
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I kept asking these kids where there parents are and they started crying, I walked away laughing thinking i love my job at an orphanage
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My wife told me she’ll slam my head on the keyboard if I don’t get off the computer. I’m not too worried, I think she’s jokinlkjhfakljn m, .nbziyoao78yv87dfaoyuofaytdf…ftysrrtfgbjysou34w45pjr578v
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What’s a aliens favorite computer key?
The space bar!
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