Doctors jokes

Doctor: you’ll be at peace soon, sir. Me: what am I dying? Doctor: no your wife is.

-2 -1 0 +1 +2
* * *

The person who made it a law to not hurt girls is stupid because we’ve all kicked a pregnant woman before we where even born.

The doctor says to the woman there was good and bad news. the woman says she wants the bad news first the doctor says the bad news is the baby had red hair. then he said the good news is it is dead.

-2 -1 0 +1 +2

What do priest and doctors have in common?

They both do physicals on kids.

-2 -1 0 +1 +2
* * *

An old woman goes to the doctor complaining of extremely smelly gas. “I don’t understand it, Doc”, she said, “I have this terrible, terrible gas”. “Thankfully”, she added, “they are at least silent when I fart”. Doctor hands her a bottle of pills, tells her take them all and then come back to see him. The old woman returned a short time later extremely mad. “I took those pills like you said and not only is my gas smelly, but now when I fart they are obnoxiously loud!”, she yelled. The doctor said, “well, now that we’ve solved your hearing problem, let’s see what we can do about that gas”.

-2 -1 0 +1 +2
* * *

I asked the doctor doing my prostate exam where i should put my pants. “next to mine” was not the answer i was expecting

-2 -1 0 +1 +2
* * *

Doctor: I’ve got good news and bad news Patient: What’s the good news? Doctor: I’ve got u flowers Patient: Awww, What’s the bad news? Doctor: They’re for your grave

-2 -1 0 +1 +2
* * *

My doctor said “you have 1year to live”

I said " you wanna bet"

Bam a gun shot

-2 -1 0 +1 +2
* * *

A GUY GOES TO SEE HIS PSYCHIATRIST DRESSED ONLY IN BUBBLE WRAP. WHEN HE GETS THERE HE ASKED THE PSYCH, cAN YOU PLEASE HELP ME? THE PSYCH SAYS NO, I’M SORRY, I CAN CLEARLY SEE YOUR NUTS.

-2 -1 0 +1 +2

I am still trying to figure out why paying the covid doctors a complement is so offensive. They even kicked me out and all I said was to stay positive…

An apple a day can do so much more than keep the doctor away… it can keep ANYONE away.

If you throw it hard enough.

-2 -1 0 +1 +2
* * *

What’s the difference between an anal and oral thermometer? The taste.

-2 -1 0 +1 +2
* * *

When does a doctor get mad?

When he runs out of patients!

-2 -1 0 +1 +2
* * *

The doctor told me I had aids I said it’s your fault sister.

-2 -1 0 +1 +2
* * *

So i went to the doctors and the doctor said "Pick a star sign any star sign" So i said "Aquarius" And the doctor said “nah mate you’ve got cancer”

-2 -1 0 +1 +2
* * *

My friend was told by her doctor that she was morbidly obese. As if she doesn’t have enough on her plate.

-2 -1 0 +1 +2
* * *

Where do sick boats go? – The dock!

There is a man in the hospital the power went out and the man was stabbed to death, there are three witnesses, the nurse who was with another patient, the doctor who was reading some paperwork, and The Who was at the vending machine, who killed the man? The mom did because you can’t use a vending machine when the powers out!

-2 -1 0 +1 +2
* * *
- up - << N E X T! >> random

© àíåêäîòîâ.net, 1997 - 2024