The past, the present, and the future walk into a bar… It was tense.
My friend gave me sugar for my birthday, she thought it was cheap I thought it was pretty sweet
Why did the picture go to jail? Cause it was framed!
Do you know how to make holy water? You boil the hell out of it.
I tried to sue the airport for misplacing my luggage. – I lost my case.
Two deer walk out of a gay bar. One of them turns to the other and says, “I can’t believe I blew forty bucks in there.”
A prisoner was told how he’ll be executed. Needless to say, he was shocked.
New Teslas don’t come with a new car smell they come with an Elon Musk
Did you hear about the man who was accidentally buried alive? – It was a grave mistake.
I went for a job interview today and the manager said, “We’re looking for someone who is responsible.” “Well, I’m your man.” I replied, “In my last job, whenever anything went wrong, they said I was responsible.”
a mexican was doing a magic trick he said “uno, dos,” then disappeared without a trace
I accidentally drank a little food colouring last night. I ended up dying inside.
Two windmills are standing in a field and one asks the other, “What kind of music do you like?” – The other says, “I’m a big metal fan.”
If you’re waiting for the waiter at a restaurant, aren’t you the waiter?
Yesterday, a clown held the door open for me. It was such a nice jester! :D
RUS | ENG
