Hell jokes

aw hell naw dey turned spongilebile in2 a frigin generator.

-2 -1 0 +1 +2
* * *

3 people died and went to Hell. One of them is from America, the second guy is from Germany, and the third guy is from Afghanistan. The devil lets each person make a phone call to their loved ones in the country they came from but they will be charged. The American spends 10 minutes on the phone and is charged $20. The German spends 12 minutes on the phone and is charged $24. The man from Afghanistan spends half an hour on the phone and is charged nothing. The other two guys asked the devil why. The devil responded: “Local calls are free”.

-2 -1 0 +1 +2


A blind guy walks into a bar with his seeing eye dog. He then picks his dog up by the tail and starts to swing him around. The bartender asks him “Hey man What the hell you doing? ”. Blind guy says “Just looking around”

-2 -1 0 +1 +2
* * *

A little boy and a little girl are taking a bath together. The little girl looks down at the boy and says, “Can I touch it?”. The little boy looks back at her and says, “Hell no, you already broke yours off!”.

-2 -1 0 +1 +2
* * *
-2 -1 0 +1 +2
* * *

A group of Astronauts, a Mechanic, a Pilot & a Communications operator are on a very important mission to Mars when one of their solar panels gets grazed by a meteorite. And so the Astronauts quickly assemble in the hull to the they get orders from the ground. Once the Communications operator turned on coms, their man on the ground told the Pilot to continue their course & to send the Mechanic out to fix the problem. As the Mechanic worked on finishing repairing the solar panel, the Pilot & Communications operator told each other dark jokes when out of nowhere a meteorite field appeared! The Ground operator frighteningly shouted “Get him back in the ship!” to the Communications operator. “Chill out, he’ll be fine.” The Pilot assured him. “Get him the hell out of there, that’s an order!” The Ground operator argued. Then thirty seconds later the Communications operator came back from the air shoot & asked “Now what?”

-2 -1 0 +1 +2
* * *

My gf told me she was pregnant. So I punched her in the stomach. She asked me why the hell did I did that. I told her I wanted to let her know I’m pro abortion.

-2 -1 0 +1 +2
* * *

Jaylie ??: I don’t care, what he said was so out of line! Harvey ??: It’s funny! Jaylie?? : He said “Stupid, silly bitch face I raised! I should have known!” That’s not funny, harv! Harvey ??: Come on Jay. Give Chris a chance? Jaylie ??: Sorry but I’m a stupid, silly bitch face he raised. He should have known! Harvey??: That’s not true! Jaylie ??: He even made fun of Kalierien. She is so sensitive! Harvey ??: SHUSH!!! Kalierien??: Hi guys hows your day? Harvey??: Good! Jaylie ??: Mine was like living in hell! Kalierien: ??SAME!!!

-2 -1 0 +1 +2


Woman one: I got so mad at my GPS today that I told it to go to hell! Woman two: Did that work? Woman one: Well, it took me to my in-laws’ house.

-2 -1 0 +1 +2
* * *

[god creating sharks] god: ok give them 3 rows of teeth. Angel: seems excessive but ok. God: and make them mean as hell. Angel: wtf y. God: BECAUSSE I SAID SO. Angel:… god: and make one of the types have a hammer for a head angel: why do I still work for you? God: because I’m the only employer as of right now.

-2 -1 0 +1 +2
* * *
-2 -1 0 +1 +2
* * *

do you know what the equivalent to hell is theses days listening to your teacher not haveing your phone/ game / tv not haveing niccotine

-2 -1 0 +1 +2
* * *
-2 -1 0 +1 +2
* * *

Two Canadians die and end up in Hell. Satan decides to pay them a visit, so he walks into their room and sees them talking and laughing. Confused, he asks them why they’re happy. They tell him, “Well, we’re so sick of the cold where we’re from, and this place is nice and toasty.” Satan, annoyed, storms away and goes to Hell’s boiler room, where he turns up the temperature. He goes back to the Canadians’ room, along the way being begged by all sorts of people to put the heating back down. He enters the room to see the Canadians having a barbecue. Furiously, he asks them what they’re doing. “Well, we can’t pass up this wonderful weather without getting out the barbecue!” Satan realizes he’s been doing the wrong thing. He goes to the boiler room and turns it down until it’s at a colder temperature than ever seen on earth. He knows he’s won now, so he goes back to the Canadians’ room, only to see them jumping up and down in excitement. He shouts at them in fury, “WHY ARE YOU STILL HAPPY?!?!?!” They look at him and shout at the same time, “Hell froze over! That means the Leafs won!”

-2 -1 0 +1 +2
* * *

What’s Steven Hawkins favorite song? Highway to hell because it’s a staircase to heaven.

-2 -1 0 +1 +2
* * *


© àíåêäîòîâ.net, 1997 - 2026