Waiting jokes

School Bully: How’s your girlfriend? Oh wait, you don’t have any! Me: How’s your parents? Oh wait, you don’t have any! *Continues to burn down orphanage

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Who is the only person time waits for? Nun.

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So Little Johnny’s teacher is warned at the beginning of the school year not to ever make a bet with Johnny unless she is absolutely sure she will win it. One day in class, Johnny raises his hand and says “teacher, I’ll bet you $50 I can guess what color your underwear is.” She replies, “okay, meet me after class and we’ll settle it.” But beforeclass ends, she goes to the restroom and removes her panties. After class is over and the studentsclear out, Johnny makes his guess. “Blue.” “Nope. You got it wrong,” she says as she lifts her skirt to reveal she isn’t wearing any underwear. “Well come with me out to my dads car, he’s waiting for me, and I’ll get you the money.” She follows him out. When they get to the car she informs his dad that he got the bet wrong and that she showed Johnny that she wasn’t wearing any underwear. His dad exclaims: “That mother f@cker! He bet me $100 this morning that he’d see your pussy before the end of the day!”

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Why did the orphan wait in line? To see their parents next

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Three men are outside Heaven’s gates waiting to be go to through Heaven. The angel at the gate tells them “Depending on the length of time and your faithfulness to your last partner decides your way across the bridge to Heaven”.

The first guy says “I was with my wife for 5 years and cheated 3 times”. The angel gives him an old model pick up, the second guy says “11 years and only once” and is granted a Mercedes.

The last man says “20 years and not once, I loved her with all my heart” and with the angel impressed he gets a gold edition Lamborghini and sets off ahead of the other two men. Hours later the two men catch up to him crying behind the wheel and one says " I know we are dead but it could be much worse".

The guy looks up and says “How! I just went past my wife on a skateboard”

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Me: Hey how are you? Depression: I’m doing fine. We are just looking for a home:3 Insomnia: Mommy can we get a home? Anxiety: Insomnia wait for mommy to finish. Depression: Anyway here is my resume! Me: Okie thank you, Ok… mhmmm… WOW! Okie this is a nice resume! (Didn’t Read it…) Depression: Also I have 2 more friends that want to move in too! Me: Ok and there names? Depression: There names are: PTSD and Trauma! Me: Ok they seem fine (Doesn’t know about them) Depression: Okie here is the money (a penny:() Thank you we will call you if we need anything. Me: Ok see you soon!:3 Me now hates my life.:)

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My therapist told me that time heals all wounds. So I stabbed him, now we wait

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Q: What is the difference between a drunk and a stoner at a stop sign? A: The drunk guy runs it and the stoner waits for it to turn green!

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I was watching my boyfriends dog while he took a shower. I started playing fetch with the him when the ball went over the balcony. He went to get it and fell 10 stories. When i looked down, he appeared to be dead. My boyfriend loved his dog and I didn’t know what to do,so feeling awful, I sat on the couch and waiting for him to come back. About three minutes later he got out of the shower. He ordered some food and went to the table to eat when I said, ”you know, your dogs been a little depressed lately…”

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Why was I stress eating on the train track?

To wait to get hit.

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(A man is walking on a bridge and sees a lady over the railing)

Man: Ah… suicidal eh? Are you gonna jump? Lady: Yep. I hate this world. Man: Well, if your gonna die, can we have sex before you jump? Lady: Hell no! You creep! Man: Ok, fine. I guess I’ll just wait until your corpse washes onto the shore…

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Hey can’t wait to meet you! So join the crippiling depression family!!

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A is for apple, B is for dyslexia- oh wait no! That’s d!

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I apologise for this joke lmfaooo, and you have probably heard this banger before, anyways;