Fire jokes

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What’s Black and sits at the top of the stairs? Stephen Hawkins in a house fire.

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Jim and Allyn are 2 mates in the Air Force. They were paired up for a training exersice. They got up into the air and Jim said, “okay Allyn, your helmet can control the missile when launched from the jet. Go ahead and test fire a missile and aim it at anything you want.” Allyn fired the missile and had his eyes set on an abandoned building. Jim then said, “I also forgot, watch out for friendly fire.” Allyn said “what?” As he looked over at Jim.

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I can’t believe I got fired at the calender factory. I mean… All I did was take a day off!

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What do you call an emo kid playing with fire? Forgot to clean little piece of dust.

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Man: I got fired from my job at the calander factory. Lady: What did you do? Man: I took a day of…

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Hey God what are you making?

Just a wooden stick that lights on fire

Sounds like a match made in heaven

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What’s the difference between a hamster and a cigarette? They’re both harmless until you stick them in your mouth and light them on fire

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Somebody once told me the world is gonna roll me I ain’t the sharpest tool in the shed She was looking kind of dumb with her finger and her thumb In the shape of an “L” on her forehead

Well, the years start coming and they don’t stop coming Fed to the rules and I hit the ground running Didn’t make sense not to live for fun Your brain gets smart but your

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Q: How do you make a 9/11 cocktail?

A: Light two Manhattans on fire and then knock them over.

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