What did Earth say to the other planets? – “You guys have no life!”
why cant the orphan play the game of life? they dont know what a family road trip is. ??
People say that life is short I say… Life is the longest thing we ever do
I was having issues in my personal and professional life. I hated everyone. I was on the brink of a mental breakdown and depression. I decided to see a therapist about it. The therapist suggested that I should write letters to the people I hate and then burn them. I must admit I feel much better… But now I don’t know what to do with the letters.
If being ugly was a crime you would have a life sentence My phone battery lasts longer than your friendships There is a tree out there giving you oxegyn, and you owe that tree an apology. I don’t hate you, but I gotta unplug your life support to charge my phone. When I saw your dad on the side walk I didn’t laugh but the sidewalk cracked up. If I had powers I would make you the dumbest person alive but it seems life already beat me to the punch. If karma ever comes to punch ya in the face, I wanna be there to help it If I had a dollar for every time you said something smart I’d be broke. You are more disappointing than a cake without frosting Were you born on a highway cuz that’s where most accidents happen Wow, that hurts, now I know how it felt when your mom said that to ya Your the reason this country has to put directions on shampoo, and you may as well be the reason why the middle finger was invented
When you are suicidal comedic relief sometimes helps. These jokes sometimes help you realize how many more people feel the way you do and how ridiculous it sounds sometimes. But joke time… I’m giving in my two week resignation to life… it’s not you … it’s me!!!
Why did the chicken cross the road? Because it was emotionally distressed after a break up and wanted to find some help at his friends pen, in the end he was run over by a car, marking a sad end to what might have been a good chickens life
My mom trying to get me to do dishes Mom: I gave you life and you should be able to wash dishes. Me: Why did you? Mom: I was very drunk… Explains a lot…
What’s My Favorite Thing About My Grandpa? His life insurance…
How do you know when an orphan is lying. When they say I swear on my mother’s life
when you frend ask why dont you smile then you look at them and then rels no one there becase you have no frinds #my life
I asked my mum why she’s depressed, she said her life has been a wreck? I asked how long has it been, she then asked when I was born whats sad and has no life . the person reding this
(I want to apologize in advance. These are very dark jokes) What’s red and bad for your teeth? A brick I was going to tell a dead baby joke. But I decided to abort. Why does Dr. Pepper come in a bottle? His wife is dead. 4.Why does Helen Keller hate porcupines? They’re painful to look at. Why can’t orphans play baseball? They don’t know where home is. Give a man a match, and he’ll be warm for a few hours. Set a man on fire, and he will be warm for the rest of his life. I asked a pretty, young homeless woman if I could take her home. She smiled at me and said yes. The look on her face soon changed, however, when I walked off with her cardboard box. My wife and I have reached the difficult decision that we do not want children. If anybody does, please just send me your contact details and we can drop them off tomorrow.
My life is like a broken pencil, it’s pointless.
Kid: what is the biggest mistake you made in your life. Parents: go look above the bathroom sink *kid goes and looks but then he reilises
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